Best comedy movie quotes of all time

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Movie Quote Quiz
Police Academy picture

Carey Mahoney: What are you in for?
Larvell Jones: I'll show you. [holds a microphone to his mouth and imitates gun fire causing everyone to drop to the floor.]
Desk Officer: GOD DAMN IT, STOP THAT.

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Blazing Saddles picture

Jim: Well, it got so that every piss-ant prairie punk who thought he could shoot a gun would ride into town to try out the Waco Kid. I must have killed more men than Cecil B. DeMille. It got pretty gritty. I started to hear the word "draw" in my sleep. Then one day, I was just walking down the street when I heard a voice behind me say, "Reach for it, mister!" I spun around... And there I was, face-to-face with a six-year old kid. Well, I just threw my guns down and walked away. Little bastard shot me in the ass. So I limped to the nearest saloon, crawled inside a whiskey bottle, and I've been there ever since.

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Robin Hood: Men in Tights picture

Robin Hood: For my first order of business, I wish to appoint a new Sheriff of Rottingham. My friend, Achoo.
Achoo: All right.
Crowd: A black sheriff?
Blinkin: He's black?
Achoo: And why not? It worked in Blazing Saddles.

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Charlie and the Chocolate Factory picture

Grandpa Joe: Mr. Wonka! I don't know if you remember me, but I used to work here in the factory.
Willy Wonka: Were you one of those despicable spies who everyday tried to steal my life's work and sell it to those parasitic copycat candy making cads?
Grandpa Joe: No, sir.
Willy Wonka: Then wonderful, welcome back.

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Klaus picture

Klaus: A true selfless act always sparks another.

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Sweet Home Alabama picture

Jake: The only reason I ain't signing is cause you've turned into some hoity-toity Yankee bitch, and I'd like nothing better right now than to piss you off.

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Beetlejuice picture

Beryl: Paranormal? Is that what they're calling your kind these days?
Otho: Don't mind her. She's still upset because somebody dropped a house on her sister.

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I Think I Love My Wife picture

Mr. Landis: You can lose lots of money chasing women, but you will never lose women chasing money.

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How the Grinch Stole Christmas picture

The Grinch: Those Whos are hard to frazzle, Max. But, we did our worst, and that's all that matters.

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Shrek picture

Gingy: OK, OK...I'll tell you. Do you know the Muffin Man?
Lord Farquaad: The Muffin Man?
Gingy: The Muffin Man.
Lord Farquaad: Yes, I know the Muffin Man. Who lives on Drury Lane?
Gingy: Well...she's married to...the Muffin Man.
Lord Farquaad: The Muffin Man?
Gingy: The Muffin Man!
Lord Farquaad: She's married to the Muffin Man?

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Downsizing picture

Ngoc Lan Tran: What kind of fuck you give me? What kind? American people, eight kind of fuck. Love fuck, hate fuck, sex-only fuck, break-up fuck, make-up fuck, drunk fuck, buddy fuck, pity fuck.

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Dumb and Dumber picture

Lloyd: What do you mean you don't bet? Wussy! Wussy!
Harry: I never have and I never will.
Lloyd: Yeah, right. I bet you twenty bucks I can get you gambling before the end of the day.
Harry: No way.
Lloyd: I give you three to one odds.
Harry: No.
Lloyd: Five to one?
Harry: No.
Lloyd Ten to one?
Harry: You're on.
[Lloyd and Harry both shake hands and smile.]
Lloyd: I'm gonna get you.
Harry: Nuh-uh.
Lloyd: I don't know how, but I'm gonna get you.
Harry: Nuh-uh.

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The Mask picture

The Mask: Our love is like a red, red rose... And I am a little thorny.

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The Two Popes picture

Pope Francis: When no-one is to blame, everyone is to blame.

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McLintock! picture

Running Buffalo: Swell party, where's the whisky?

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Deadpool 2 picture

Blind Al: Can you speak up? It’s hard to hear you with that pity dick in your mouth.

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Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls picture

Ace: Tell them what I'm saying. [To Wachootoo tribe] I come in peace.
Ouda: White devil say, "I will harm you."
Ace: I couldn't help but notice that Eqinsu Ocha part. Did you just refer to me as White Devil?
Ouda: This how they know you.
Ace: Leave that part out from now on. [To tribe] I represent the princess.
Ouda: I am a princess.
Ace: War is hell. The last thing we want is a fight.
Ouda: I want to fight. So go to Hell.

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Smokey and the Bandit picture

Cledus Snow: You can't drive a fork lift.
Bandit: I can drive any forkin' thing around.

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