Best comedy movie quotes of all time
Dusty Rust-eze: Thanks to you, Lightning, we had a banner year!
Rusty Rust-eze: I mean, we might even clear enough to buy you some headlights!
Dusty Rust-eze: Are you saying he doesn't have headlights?
Rusty Rust-eze: That's what I'm tellin' ya - it's just stickers!
Lightning McQueen: Well, you know, race cars don't need headlights, because the track is always lit.
Dusty Rust-eze: Well, so is my brother, but he still needs headlights!
[Randal reads a newspaper while a customer studies two rental choices.]
Customer: They say so much, but they never tell you if it's any good.
[Randal continues reading, not even ackowledging her.]
Customer: Are either of these any good?
[Randal continues to read.]
Customer: Are either of these any good?
Randal: I don't watch movies.
Customer: Well, have you heard anything about either of them?
Customer: You've never heard anybody say anything about either movie?
Randal: I find it's best to stay out of other people's affairs.
[The customer turns around, then turns back with the same two movies.]
Customer: Well, how about these two movies?
[Randal still never looks up.]
Randal: They suck!
Customer: I just held up the same two movies. You're not even paying attention.
Randal: No, I wasn't.
Customer: I don't think your manager would appreciate...
Randal: I don't appreciate your ruse, ma'am.
Customer: I beg your pardon?
Randal: Your ruse. Your cunning attempt to trick me.
Customer: I only pointed out that you weren't paying any attention to what I was saying.
Randal: I hope it feels good.
Customer: You hope what feels good?
Randal: I hope it feels so good to be right. There is nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?
Customer: Well this is the last time I ever rent here...
Randal: You'll be missed.
Customer: Screw you!
[The customer storms out. Randal runs out into the street.]
Randal: Hey you're not allowed to rent here anymore!
Susan Cooper: Well, here's to your mom.
Rayna Boyanov: To my mother. And to you.
Susan Cooper: And here's to you. I mean you may never be as wise as an owl but you'll always be a hoot to me! Haha.
Rayna Boyanov: What a stupid fucking retarded toast. You're delightful.
Susan Cooper: As are you.
Vizzini: Inconceivable! Give her to me. Catch up with us quickly!
Fezzik: What do I do?
Vizzini: Finish him, finish him - your way.
Fezzik: Oh, good. My way. Thank you Vizzini. Which way's my way?
Vizzini: Pick up one of those rocks, get behind the boulder. In a few minutes, the man in black will come running around the bend. The minute his head is in view, HIT IT WITH THE ROCK!
Fezzik: My way is not very sportsmanlike.
Dr. Phil: What is wrong with you? Why do you feel the need that you gotta "get" somebody all the time?
Madea: Well when you gettin' "got" and somebody done "got" you and you go "get" them, when you get 'em everybody's gon' get got.
Dr. Phil: Yeah but you're gettin' the gotters when they didn't do anything to even get you.
Madea: Yeah but if the gotters get me I'm gonna get my glock.
Olive Penderghast: Whatever happened to chivalry? Does it only exist in 80's movies? I want John Cusack holding a boombox outside my window. I wanna ride off on a lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey. I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me. I want Judd Nelson thrusting his fist into the air because he knows he got me. Just once I want my life to be like an 80's movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason. But no, no, John Hughes did not direct my life.
Gary Johnston: We're dicks! We're reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks. And the Film Actors Guild are pussies. And Kim Jong Il is an asshole. Pussies don't like dicks, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes: assholes that just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck an asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is: they fuck too much or fuck when it isn't appropriate - and it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes, pussies can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves... Because pussies are an inch and half away from ass holes. I don't know much about this crazy, crazy world, but I do know this: If you don't let us fuck this asshole, we're going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit!
Angelique Bouchard: I'm going to make an offer to you, Barnabas. My last. You can join me by my side and we can run Collinsport together as partners, and lovers... Or I'll put you back in the box.
Barnabas Collins: I have already prepared my counter-proposal. It reads thusly: You may strategically place your wonderful lips upon my posterior and kiss it repeatedly!
Nigel: The numbers all go to eleven. Look, right across the board, eleven, eleven, eleven and...
Martin: Oh, I see. And most amps go up to ten?
Martin: Does that mean it's louder? Is it any louder?
Nigel: Well, it's one louder, isn't it? It's not ten. You see, most blokes, you know, will be playing at ten. You're on ten here, all the way up, all the way up, all the way up, you're on ten on your guitar. Where can you go from there? Where?
Martin: I don't know.
Nigel: Nowhere. Exactly. What we do is, if we need that extra push over the cliff, you know what we do?
Martin: Put it up to eleven.
Nigel: Elevn. Exactly. One louder.
Martin: Why don't you just make ten louder and make ten be the top number and make that a little louder?
Nigel: These go to eleven.