Best comedy movie quotes of 1994

The Mask picture

The Mask: Our love is like a red, red rose... And I am a little thorny.

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Clerks picture

[Randal reads a newspaper while a customer studies two rental choices.]
Customer: They say so much, but they never tell you if it's any good.
[Randal continues reading, not even ackowledging her.]
Customer: Are either of these any good?
[Randal continues to read.]
Customer: Sir!
Randal: What?
Customer: Are either of these any good?
Randal: I don't watch movies.
Customer: Well, have you heard anything about either of them?
Randal: No.
Customer: You've never heard anybody say anything about either movie?
Randal: I find it's best to stay out of other people's affairs.
[The customer turns around, then turns back with the same two movies.]
Customer: Well, how about these two movies?
[Randal still never looks up.]
Randal: They suck!
Customer: I just held up the same two movies. You're not even paying attention.
Randal: No, I wasn't.
Customer: I don't think your manager would appreciate...
Randal: I don't appreciate your ruse, ma'am.
Customer: I beg your pardon?
Randal: Your ruse. Your cunning attempt to trick me.
Customer: I only pointed out that you weren't paying any attention to what I was saying.
Randal: I hope it feels good.
Customer: You hope what feels good?
Randal: I hope it feels so good to be right. There is nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?
Customer: Well this is the last time I ever rent here...
Randal: You'll be missed.
Customer: Screw you!
[The customer storms out. Randal runs out into the street.]
Randal: Hey you're not allowed to rent here anymore!
Jay: Yeah!

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Ace Ventura: Pet Detective picture

Ace Ventura: Aaalll righty then.

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Dumb and Dumber picture

Lloyd: This didn't come out of our travel fund.
Harry: Oh.
Lloyd: Yeah, I was able to raise 25 extra bucks before we left.
Harry: Where did you get 25 extra bucks?
Lloyd: I sold some stuff, to Billy on 4C.
Harry: The blind kid?
Lloyd: [Laughing.] Yeah, yeah.
Harry: What did you sell him Lloyd?
Lloyd: You know, stuff.
Harry: What kinda stuff?
Lloyd: Few baseball cards, a sack of marbles, [coughs.] Petey.
Harry: Petey? You sold my dead bird to a blind kid? Lloyd, wh- he- wha- Petey didn't even have a head!
Lloyd: Harry, I took care of it.

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Forrest Gump picture

Forrest Gump: Bit me directly in the but-tocks. They said it was a million dollar wound, but the Army must keep that money, 'cause I still ain't seen a nickel of that million dollars.

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Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult picture

Frank Drebin: Hey, Rocco. Who's the old bag? She take one in the face?
Rocco: She's my mother.
Frank Drebin: Oh. Mrs. Dillon, your son is a ruthless, sadistic, cold-blooded animal. You must be very proud of him.
Mrs. Dillon: I am.

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Double Dragon picture

Koga Shuko: I just want total domination of one major American City! Is that too much to ask for!? Is it? Is it? Huh?

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True Lies picture

Gib: Women. Can't live with 'em. Can't kill 'em.

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Renaissance Man picture

Bill: You got the wrong file. When have I ever been a teacher?
Beverly: Look, you've got a Masters degree, that means you can teach.
Bill: No it doesn't. No, it only means hypothetically that I could.
Beverly: Come on, Bill. Now it's a good job. Six weeks. A decent salary. And you get to live there.
Bill: Beverly, I...I'll get my head blown off. Do you know how many kids carry guns to school these days?
Beverly: In this case all of them. I guess you didn't get to the "where" part.

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City Slickers 2 picture

Mitch: Don't mess with us! We're from New York.
Duke: If you ever talk to me like that again, I'm gonna turn your balls into earrings.
Mitch: Go for it.

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Airheads picture

Chazz: Who'd win in a wrestling match, Lemmy or God?
Chris Moore: Lemmy.
[Rex imitates a game show buzzer.]
Chris Moore: God?
Rex: Wrong, dickhead. Trick question. Lemmy is God.

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The Ref picture

Gus: I have a gun. It's loaded. Shut up.

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Greedy (1994)

Greedy picture

Uncle Joe: Would you mind going to the market, we're out of Oreos.
Molly: Well, we wouldn't be out of Oreos, would we, if someone hadn't sucked out all of the insides and tossed the rest away, you naughty boy.
Uncle Joe: I'm old and I'm rich. I can eat whatever parts I want. If I want to eat the goddamn box, I'll eat the goddamn box.

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Beverly Hills Cop III picture

Serge: Now, one thing's very important. At the survival boutiqua, I feel that it's my personality, that's it's my philosophy that everything must conform to the three P's, OK? Which is, protection. Prestige. And pretty. I mean, why should you look ugly if you're just trying to survive?

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The Hudsucker Proxy picture

Norville: You know, for kids.

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