Little Elf Judy: Seeing isn't believing. Believing is seeing.
Charlie: Neil's a really good cook.
Scott Calvin: Yeah, and you should see him walk on water.
Charlie: You don't like him very much, do you, Dad?
Scott Calvin: Charlie, I'm sorry, I was just kidding around around. Sure I like him. But there's just something about him that makes me want to -.
Charlie: Lash out irrationally?
Scott Calvin: Now, where did you hear that?
Charlie: From Neil. I learn a lot from him. He listens to me.
Scott Calvin: Yeah! And he charges you for it.
Scott Calvin: Hey, I know where this is going. The other guy fell, it was an accident. I've got homeowners insurance, and a good attorney, not as good as my wife's - but let's not open up that wound.
Scott Calvin: Who gave you permission to tell Charlie there was no Santa Claus? I think if we're going to destroy our son's delusions, I should be a part of it.
Mr. Whittle: Good God, your weight! What happened?
Scott Calvin: Bee sting. Evidently I'm allergic. It almost killed me. But, the guy at the emergency room said that eventually the swelling will go down. I hope.