Scott Calvin: Can we take a direct flight back to reality, or do we have to change planes in Denver?
Little Elf Judy: Seeing isn't believing. Believing is seeing.
Charlie: Neil's a really good cook.
Scott Calvin: Yeah, and you should see him walk on water.
Charlie: You don't like him very much, do you, Dad?
Scott Calvin: Charlie, I'm sorry, I was just kidding around around. Sure I like him. But there's just something about him that makes me want to -.
Charlie: Lash out irrationally?
Scott Calvin: Now, where did you hear that?
Charlie: From Neil. I learn a lot from him. He listens to me.
Scott Calvin: Yeah! And he charges you for it.
Scott Calvin: Charlie, stay away from those things. They're reindeer, you don't know where they've been. They all look like they've got key lime disease.
Scott Calvin: The only thing you need to worry about is where you're going to buy your sweaters after the circus pulls out of town.
Laura: All Neil told him was that Santa was more of a feeling. More of a state of mind than an actual person.
Scott: Kind of like Neil.
Scott Calvin: Well, isn't that a pretty picture, Santa rolling down the block in a panzer! Well kids, I... I certainly hope you have been good this year, cause it looks like Santa just took out the Pearson home. Incoming.
Scott Calvin: Merry Christmas to all, and too all a good night! When I wake up, I'm getting a cat scan!
Charlie: My dad is Santa Claus.
Bernard: Excuse me. Are we on a coffee break?
Kid Elf: We don't drink coffee.
Bernard: Then I guess THE break is over! Back to work. Thanks.
Scott Calvin: Hey, I know where this is going. The other guy fell, it was an accident. I've got homeowners insurance, and a good attorney, not as good as my wife's - but let's not open up that wound.
Scott: Hey, kid, kid... who's in charge here?
Larry the Elf: You are, and I'm not a kid, I have pointy shoes that are older than you... I'm an elf.
Scott Calvin: Who gave you permission to tell Charlie there was no Santa Claus? I think if we're going to destroy our son's delusions, I should be a part of it.