Clerks

Clerks (1994)

8 quotes

[Randal reads a newspaper while a customer studies two rental choices.]
Customer: They say so much, but they never tell you if it's any good.
[Randal continues reading, not even ackowledging her.]
Customer: Are either of these any good?
[Randal continues to read.]
Customer: Sir!
Randal: What?
Customer: Are either of these any good?
Randal: I don't watch movies.
Customer: Well, have you heard anything about either of them?
Randal: No.
Customer: You've never heard anybody say anything about either movie?
Randal: I find it's best to stay out of other people's affairs.
[The customer turns around, then turns back with the same two movies.]
Customer: Well, how about these two movies?
[Randal still never looks up.]
Randal: They suck!
Customer: I just held up the same two movies. You're not even paying attention.
Randal: No, I wasn't.
Customer: I don't think your manager would appreciate...
Randal: I don't appreciate your ruse, ma'am.
Customer: I beg your pardon?
Randal: Your ruse. Your cunning attempt to trick me.
Customer: I only pointed out that you weren't paying any attention to what I was saying.
Randal: I hope it feels good.
Customer: You hope what feels good?
Randal: I hope it feels so good to be right. There is nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?
Customer: Well this is the last time I ever rent here...
Randal: You'll be missed.
Customer: Screw you!
[The customer storms out. Randal runs out into the street.]
Randal: Hey you're not allowed to rent here anymore!
Jay: Yeah!

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Dante: My girlfriend's sucked 37 dicks!
Customers: In a row?

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Randal Graves: Which did you like better? Jedi or The Empire Strikes Back?
Dante Hicks: Empire.
Randal Graves: Blasphemy!
Dante Hicks: Empire had the better ending. I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader's his father, Han gets frozen and taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. I mean, that's what life is, a series of down endings. All Jedi had was a bunch of Muppets.

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[Repeated line.]
Dante Hicks: I'm not even supposed to be here today!

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Randal: This job would be great if it wasn't for the fuckin' customers.
Dante: Which ones?
Randal: All of them!

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Customer: Cute cat. What's its name?
Randal: Annoying customer.

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Sanford [hockey buddy]: All I'm saying is if you're gonna be insubordinate, you might as well go the full nine. Don't pussy out when it comes to free shit to drink.

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Dante Hicks: Try not to suck any dick on your way to the parking lot!
[A man hears and heads after Veronica.]
Dante Hicks: Hey! Get back here!

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Mistakes

The "No Shoplifting" sign is gone when Randal sells cigarettes to the girl.

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Trivia

Kevin Smith wrote the part of Jay specifically for Jason Mewes, and based the character almost entirely off of him. Despite it being a nearly exact replica of himself, Jason was terrified at having to "act" it out in front of the camera. Kevin gave a months worth of lessons to Jason in how to act like Jason Mewes. They even had to get him drunk before almost every take just so he wouldn't tense up. He was so camera shy that during the scene where Jay and Silent Bob dance there are no crew members around. They had to turn the camera on, then everyone went into the RST Video so he could dance by himself.

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