Troy Dyer: I've wanted you like this for all these years.
Lelaina Pierce: I'm not going to work at the Gap for Chrissake.
Troy Dyer: You can't navigate me. I may do mean things, and I may hurt you, and I may run away without your permission, and you may hate me forever, and I know that scares the living shit outta you 'cause you know I'm the only real thing you got.
Troy Dyer: This girl is cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.
Lelaina Pierce: Oh, oh is this like a, is this like a pirate operation?
Rock: Do I look like a pirate to you?
Vickie: Évian is "naïve" spelled backward.
Vickie: Sometimes I get that not-so-fresh feeling.
Lelaina: He's so cheesy, I can't watch him without crackers.
Troy Dyer: I'm bursting with fruit flavor.
Troy Dyer: You look like a doily.
Vickie: Do you ever wish you were a lesbian? Don't you think it would be so much easier?
Lelaina: Sometimes, but I don't know. I could never go through with it. I'd start laughing or something.
Vickie: That is such a shame because I have had it with men.
Troy Dyer: Did he dazzle you with his extensive knowledge of mineral water, or was it his in-depth analysis of, uh, uh, Marky Mark that finally reeled you in?
Michael Grates: Have I stepped over some line in the sands of coolness with you? Because excuse me if somebody doesn't know the secret handshake with you.
Troy Dyer: There's no secret handshake. There's an IQ prerequisite, but there's no secret handshake.
Lelaina Pierce: All right, fine. You wanna be in a band? Fine. Go ahead. Play every night. Play three times a night! Don't just dick around the same coffee house for five years. Don't dick around with her or with me. I mean, try at something for once in your life. Do something about it, but you know what? You better do it now, and you better do it fast, because the world doesn't owe you any favors.
Lelaina: You've been waiting for this since the day we met.
Vickie: Oh, who told you that, Your psychic partner?
Lelaina Pierce: You guys better not be inhaling.
Troy Dyer: There's no point to any of this. It's all just a... a random lottery of meaningless tragedy and a series of near escapes. So I take pleasure in the details. You know... a Quarter-Pounder with cheese, those are good, the sky about ten minutes before it starts to rain, the moment where your laughter become a cackle... and I, I sit back and I smoke my Camel Straights and I ride my own melt.
Lelaina Pierce: I have to work around here, and, unfortunately, Troy, you are a master at the art of time suckage.