Helen Sinclair: Two martinis please, very dry.
David Shayne: How'd you know what I drank?
Helen Sinclair: Oh, you want one too? Three.
Bill: You got the wrong file. When have I ever been a teacher?
Beverly: Look, you've got a Masters degree, that means you can teach.
Bill: No it doesn't. No, it only means hypothetically that I could.
Beverly: Come on, Bill. Now it's a good job. Six weeks. A decent salary. And you get to live there.
Bill: Beverly, I...I'll get my head blown off. Do you know how many kids carry guns to school these days?
Beverly: In this case all of them. I guess you didn't get to the "where" part.
Bones: I've seen lots of camel toes before, but never on a camel.
George O'Farrell: Hey 'Blackout, ' I didn't get you for your curve ball. I don't like your curve ball. As a matter of fact, I hate your curve. You know why? Because the damn thing don't curve.
Don Juan: There are only four questions of value in life, Don Octavio. What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same: only love.
Horror: Sixteen men on a dead man's stomach.
Fantasy: No, no! Chest! Chest.
Maverick: Well, now, I bring all sorts of plusses to the table. I hardly ever bluff and I never ever cheat.
Captain Thaddeus Harris: Not exactly a four star hotel, is it?
Lieutenant Talinsky: Well, we spend our police budget on fighting criminals, not on pampering out of town visitors.
Captain Thaddeus Harris: It was your government that brought us here.
Lieutenant Talinsky: They also bring in monkeys for zoo, but we don't put them in four star hotel either.
Dr. Alex Hesse: My nipples are very sensitive.
Hood: So, what we wanna know is are you a brotha or a sista?
Pat: Well, I'm an only child.
Kitty Potter: This is fucking fruitcake time. I mean - is that fashion, is it? I mean is there a message out there? I mean you got lot of naked people wandering around here.
Doctor: Mr. Belrose?
Tick: Yes?
Doctor: Congratulations. It's a boy.
Eva: EW! I am so not letting you eat lizards! From now on you are on a strict "no-yuck" diet.
Raphael: Oh no, he's turning into that opera guy again.
Hary Sultenfuss: Hey, you're not eating your meatloaf.
Shelly DeVoto Sultenfuss: If I eat it I'll throw up.
Hary Sultenfuss: Well you should at least try a little bit.
Shelly DeVoto Sultenfuss: Then I'll throw up a little bit.
Maurice L. Pogue: It's so nice seeing all your faces here: John and Susan and Mary and Fred and Ethel, Little Ricky.
Terry McKay: I guess I'm happy when I don't want to be anywhere else but where I am.
Claudette: I've told you, not to bother me before a show, or after a show. Or, at home in my bedroom, when I'm thinking about a show.
African-American Leprechaun: Yo man, want me gold?