Best comedy movie quotes of 1999

10 Things I Hate About You picture

Patrick: Don't ever let any one make you feel like you don't deserve what you want.

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American Pie picture

Michelle: What's my name? Say my name, bitch!

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Galaxy Quest picture

Guy Fleegman: I'm not even supposed to be here! I'm just "Crewman Number Six"! I'm expendable! I'm the guy in the episode who dies to prove how serious the situation is! I've gotta get outta here!

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Dogma (1999)

Dogma picture

Liz: He said that faith is like a glass of water. When you're young, the glass is small, and it's easy to fill up. But the older you get, the bigger the glass gets, and the same amount of liquid doesn't fill it anymore. Periodically, the glass has to be refilled.
Bethany: You're suggesting I need to get filled?
Liz: In more ways than one. You need to get laid, Bethany Sloane. You need a man, if only for ten minutes.
Bethany: It's been my experience that the average male is never a man. Not even for ten minutes in his entire lifespan.
Liz: That'a a bit militant. You thinking of joining the other side?
Bethany: Couldn't do it. Women are insane.
Liz: Then YOU need to go back to church and ask God for a third option.
Bethany: I think that God is dead.
Liz: The sign of a true Catholic.

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Office Space picture

Peter Gibbons: What would you do if you had a million dollars?
Lawrence: I'll tell you what I'd do, man, two chicks at the same time, man.
Peter Gibbons: That's it? If you had a million dollars, you'd do two chicks at the same time?
Lawrence: Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I had a million dollars I could hook that up, cause chicks dig a dude with money.
Peter Gibbons: Well, not all chicks.
Lawrence: Well the kind of chicks that'd double up on a dude like me do.
Peter Gibbons: Good point.
Lawrence: Well what about you now? what would you do?
Peter Gibbons: Besides two chicks at the same time?
Lawrence: Well yeah.
Peter Gibbons: Nothing.
Lawrence: Nothing, huh?
Peter Gibbons: I'd relax, I would sit on my ass all day, I would do nothing.
Lawrence: Well you don't need a million dollars to do nothing, man. Just take a look at my cousin, he's broke, don't do shit.

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Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me picture

Ivana Humpalot: Do you know how we keep warm in Russia?
Austin Powers: Oh ho ho! I can guess, baby.
Ivana Humpalot: We play chess.
Austin Powers: I guessed wrong.

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South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut picture

Mr. Garrison: OK, children. Let's start the day with a few new math problems. What is 5 X 2? Come on children, don't be shy. Just give it your best shot.
[Clyde puts his hand up.]
Mr. Garrison: Clyde?
Clyde: 12?
Mr. Garrison: OK. Now let's try to get an answer from someone who's not a complete retard.

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Lake Placid picture

Kelly Scott: [On the phone.] Thank you, it's so rewarding to imagine my tax dollar finding its way to you, you fuckshit!
Hector Cyr: You are a saucy flirt.

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The Thomas Crown Affair picture

Catherine Banning: Damn, I hate being a foregone conclusion.

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Mystery, Alaska picture

Donnie Shulzhoffer: Hey, you know where a guy can get a rub and a tug around here?

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The Mummy picture

Evelyn: You know, nasty little fellows such as yourself always get their comeuppance.
Beni: They do?

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Jakob the Liar picture

Jakob Heym: Hitler goes to a fortune-teller and asks, "When will I die?" And the fortune-teller replies, "On a Jewish holiday." Hitler then asks, "How do you know that?" And she replies, "Any day you die will be a Jewish holiday."

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Toy Story 2 picture

Andy: You must choose, Sheriff Woody. How shall she die? Shark, or death by monkeys?

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Notting Hill picture

Anna Scott: I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.

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Analyze This picture

Paul Vitti: You know me?
Ben Sobel: Yes.
Paul Vitti: No, you don't.
Ben Sobel: Okay.
Paul Vitti: You see my picture in the paper?
Ben Sobel: Yes.
Paul Vitti: No, you didn't.
Ben Sobel: I don't even get the paper.

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Mystery Men picture

The Shoveller: God's given me a gift. I shovel well. I shovel very well.

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