Cartman: Don't call me fat, you fucking Jew!
[Gasp from the class.]
Mr. Garrison: Eric! Did you just say the "F" word?
Cartman: [confused.] Jew?
Kyle: No, not Jew! He's talking about "fuck"! You can't say "fuck" in school, you fucking fat ass!
Mr. Garrison: Kyle!
Cartman: Why the fuck not?
Mr. Garrison: Eric!
Stan: Dude, you just said "fuck" again!
Mr. Garrison: Stanley!
Kenny: [Muffled.] Fuck.
Mr. Garrison: Kenny!
Cartman: What's the big deal? It doesn't hurt anybody. Fuck fuckety fuck fuck fuck.
Mr. Garrison: How would you like to go see the school counselor?
Cartman: How would you like to suck my balls?
[Gasp from the class.]
Mr. Garrison: What did you say?
Cartman: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Actually, what I said was...
[Cartman pulls out a bullhorn.]
Cartman: HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO SUCK MY BALLS? MR. Garrison.
Stan: Holy shit, dude.
General: Now each battalion has a specific code-name and mission. Battalion 5, raise your hands!
[All of the African-Americans raise their hands.]
General: You will be the all important first defense wave, which we will call "Operation Human Shield."
Chef: Hey, wait a minute!
General: Now keep in mind, Operation Human Shield will suffer heavy losses. But don't lose your spirit, men! Stay until the bitter end. Battalion 14?
[The rest of the group, all Caucasian, raise their hands.]
General: Right, you are "Operation Get Behind The Darkies." You will follow Battalion 5 here, and try not to get killed for God's sake! Are there any questions, men?
[Chef raises his hand.]
General: Yes, soldier?
Chef: Haven't you heard of the Emancipation Proclamation?
General: I don't listen to hip-hop.
Mr. Garrison: OK, children. Let's start the day with a few new math problems. What is 5 X 2? Come on children, don't be shy. Just give it your best shot.
[Clyde puts his hand up.]
Mr. Garrison: Clyde?
Mr. Garrison: OK. Now let's try to get an answer from someone who's not a complete retard.
Mrs. McCormick: Where do you think you're going?
Kenny: [Muffled.] I'm off to see a movie.
Mrs. McCormick: You can't, you have church!
Kenny: [Muffled.] But mom, I want to see the movie.
Mrs. McCormick: Well fine, go ahead and miss church! And then when you die and go to hell, you can answer to Satan!
Kenny: [Muffled.] OK.
General: You told us Windows 98 would be faster and more efficient, with better access to the Internet!
Bill Gates: It IS faster! Over five million...
[The General shoots Gates in the head.].
Kyle: Dude, that movie was fucking sweet!
Cartman: You bet your fucking ass it was!
Stan: Fuck, dude! I want to be just like Terrance and Phillip.
Ticket Man: Hey, wait a minute. Where's your guardian?
Ticket Man: I knew it! You paid a homeless guy to get you in didn't you?
Cartman: Fuck off, you donkey-raping shit eater.