Mystery, Alaska

Mystery, Alaska (1999)


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Judge Walter Burns: Hi. What's wrong?
Joanne Burns: Uh, Walter, get out. This is private.
Judge Walter Burns: I'm entitled to know what's going on under this roof. After all, I am the father of this child...
Joanne Burns: Walter, if you don't leave, I *swear*...I'll tell you.
Judge Walter Burns: [pause.] Right. [leaves.].

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Donnie Shulzhoffer: Hey, you know where a guy can get a rub and a tug around here?

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'Skank' Marden: I play hockey and I fornicate, 'cause those are the two most fun things to do in cold weather.

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Reporter: Did you see your daddy out there?
Joey Biebe: I have a toy pony, he takes big shits.

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Stevie Weeks: I'm a premature ejaculator.

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Donnie Shulzhoffer: This is hockey, OK? It's not rocket surgery.

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