Penny: This is the coolest watch. It's a radio, computer, and even a phone. Testing, testing. Brain, say something. Come in, Over.
Brain: Brain is not here. Please leave a message at the sound of the woof. Woof.
The Shoveller: God's given me a gift. I shovel well. I shovel very well.
Barbara Porter: Look, I know your grandpa's not great with you girls.
Melanie 'Mel' Porter: Mom, that's like saying the Titanic's not great with icebergs.
George Shapiro: Andy, you have to look inside and ask this question: who are you trying to entertain - the audience or yourself?
Elsa Morganthal Strauss-Armistan: If I hadn't been there for you then, you wouldn't be here for me NOW.
Wayne Wayne Wayne Jr.: The Light is green.
Tom Bartlett: Very bold plate selection, I might add. Explains the outfit.
Amanda Shelton: To eliminate a necklace would've taken another half hour.
Tom Bartlett: I see.
Amanda Shelton: Doesn't look like it takes you very long.
Tom Bartlett: Touché. I do seem to come out of the shower fully dressed in a blue suit.
Jimmie: Just give me the damn symbolic vaginas.
Marco: You are sick.
Charlie Boyle aka Chaz Anthony: I have to watch my sister.
Claire Addison: I thought you were an only child?
Charlie Boyle aka Chaz Anthony: I am. Sister... Mary Catherine... she's a nun... and an invalid.
Archie Gates: Sit down. What do you see here?
Chief Elgin: Bunkers, sir.
Archie Gates: What's in them?
Troy Barlow: Stuff they stole from Kuwait.
Archie Gates: Bullshit. I'm talking about millions in Kuwaiti bullion.
Conrad Vig: You mean them little cubes you put in hot water to make soup?
Archie Gates: No, not the little cubes you put in hot water to make soup.
Bottom the Weaver: Since lion vile hath here deflowered my dear.
Peter Quince: Devoured.
Jonathon "Mox' Moxon: Now, we go out there and we half-ass it because we're scared, all we're left with is an excuse. We're always gonna wonder. But, we go out there and we give it absolutely everything... that's heroic. Let's be heroes.
Daniel McMann: Look at the buses, watch 'em.
Carla Tate: Why, what are they gonna do?
Daniel McMann: They pull in, and then they pull out, and they turn, and they back up.
Joel: What about foreplay?
Mary: No! Foreplay is for sissies! Real men go in, unload and pull out.
Ann: He said not to ever do that to me again. He said that if you do he'll have you taken off to prison and locked up and you'll never ever see me again, and you'll have to eat ice-cream on your own.
Adele: You went too far with the ice cream business. He did not say that.
Ann: Yes, he did.
Adele: No, he did not.
Ann: And he wants to adopt me. He finds me very attractive.
Adele: ...Thank you Ann, Thank you. And your fiance will be back here in 2 minutes to see if we moved the car.
Voice of the Announcer: Meanwhile, back at Snidely's not-so-secret hideout.
Lucy: You need to find somebody that likes you the way you are.
Kevin: And who would possibly like me the way I am?
Lucy: I have no idea.
Leigh Ann Watson: It's completely factual, she was burned at the stake.
Mrs. Tingle: Always the victim, aren't we, Ms. Watson?
Leigh Ann Watson: Well there are certain similarities between society today and seventeenth century Salem. I guess that would be the irony of it all.
Mrs. Tingle: Irony is the opposite of what is or might be expected. For example, if Ms. Watson was expecting an A on her history project, she might find the actual result to be rather ironic.