Best comedy movie quotes of 1999

Amédée: Being free, in short, is not doing nothing, but being the sole decider of what to do or what not to do.

Dylan: I found him down by the pier.
Lila: Oh you bad dog! I should spank you.
Dylan: Ooh, hey, I was down by the pier too.

Larry Mann: Sometimes you gotta chew your own leg off to get out of life's traps.

Eddie: Britain should be in the driving seat of Europe. In the driver's seat, or in the passenger seat. That's good, cuz then you can take a sleep.

Wayne Wayne Wayne Jr.: The Light is green.

Nurse Rennert: This is Hollywood. People here believe anything.

Pando: Give em' ya fucking keys.
Acko: He's not taking my fucking car.
Pando: It's only gonna take twenty minutes, he needs a car, so give em ya fucking keys.
Acko: I just got the gearbox fixed.
Pando: Good, that means it works, now give em ya fucking keys.

Guitar Wolf: Love has no borders, nationalities, or genders.

Charlie Boyle aka Chaz Anthony: I have to watch my sister.
Claire Addison: I thought you were an only child?
Charlie Boyle aka Chaz Anthony: I am. Sister... Mary Catherine... she's a nun... and an invalid.

Johnny: I've never felt this way before.
Helen: Of course not. You're twenty.

Tony Clifton: I think you sat in some cottage cheese. Oh, pardon me, that's your ass.

Ann: He said not to ever do that to me again. He said that if you do he'll have you taken off to prison and locked up and you'll never ever see me again, and you'll have to eat ice-cream on your own.
Adele: You went too far with the ice cream business. He did not say that.
Ann: Yes, he did.
Adele: No, he did not.
Ann: And he wants to adopt me. He finds me very attractive.
Adele: ...Thank you Ann, Thank you. And your fiance will be back here in 2 minutes to see if we moved the car.

Jimmie: Just give me the damn symbolic vaginas.
Marco: You are sick.

Kit's Agent: This is a great script! Look, it's not Shakespeare, but it.
Kit: Hey, what did you just say?
Agent: I said, 'it's not Shakespeare'.
Kit: 'It's not Shake... ', 'It's not Shake... ' (to Freddy) Do you hear what he's doing?
Freddy: I know he's doing something, I just can't put my finger on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah... What's he doing?
Kit: Shakespeare, Freddy, Shakespeare.
Freddy: Shakespeare?
Kit: Shake a spear! Spearchucker! I'm a spearchucker now.

Arlo: You just hijacked me with an unloaded gun?
Tim Mason: Yeah.
Arlo: When this is all over, remind me to kick your ass.

Amber Atkins: Loretta, never have kids.
Loretta: Oh, honey, God bless ya for thinking I still could.

Voice of the Announcer: Meanwhile, back at Snidely's not-so-secret hideout.

Tammy Metzler: If you died right now, I would throw myself into one of my Dad's cement trucks and get poured into your tomb.

Todd: Ronna, I just gave you a favor.
Ronna: And here I thought you just gave me head.

Lord Arthur Goring: To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.