Jiff Ramsey: Oh, gosh, I'm really hoping to get a career running errands. That'd be a major boost for me.
Dave: But movies cost millions of dollars to make.
Robert K. Bowfinger: That's after gross net deduction profit percentage deferment ten percent of the nut. Cash, every movie cost $2,184.
Robert K. Bowfinger: Now that you and your colleagues here at Mindfu -, head have had a chance to think, what do you say?
Robert K. Bowfinger: She had the personality of a ZIP code in Kansas.
Terry Stricter, MindHead Honcho: Happy premise #1.
Kit: Happy premise #1: There are no aliens.
Terry Stricter, MindHead Honcho: Happy premise #2.
Kit: Happy premise #2: There is no giant foot trying to squash me.
Terry Stricter, MindHead Honcho: Happy premise #3.
Kit: Happy premise #3: Even though I feel like I might ignite, I probably won't.
Kit: It's too cerebral! We're trying to make a movie here, not a film.
Kit: The letter K appears in this script 1,456 times. That's perfectly divisible by 3.
Freddy: So what? So what you saying?
Kit: What am I saying? KKK appears in this script 486 times.
Kit: The white man gets all the best catchphrases.
Kit's Agent: This is a great script! Look, it's not Shakespeare, but it.
Kit: Hey, what did you just say?
Agent: I said, 'it's not Shakespeare'.
Kit: 'It's not Shake... ', 'It's not Shake... ' (to Freddy) Do you hear what he's doing?
Freddy: I know he's doing something, I just can't put my finger on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah... What's he doing?
Kit: Shakespeare, Freddy, Shakespeare.
Kit: Shake a spear! Spearchucker! I'm a spearchucker now.
Robert K. Bowfinger: I'm 49 years old. Admittedly, I could get away with 44, 41, maybe 38. When you hit 50 they don't hire you anymore. It's like they can smell 50.
Kit: Go call Arnold and Sly, and Jackie Chan and Van Damme, and tell them the spearchucker said hello.
Daisy: I know what's going on. I may be from Ohio, but I'm not from Ohio.
Kit: White boys always get the Oscar. It's a known fact. Did I ever get a nomination? No! You know why? Cause I hadn't played any of them slave roles, and get my ass whipped. That's how you get the nomination. A black dude who plays a slave that gets his ass whipped gets the nomination, a white guy who plays an idiot gets the Oscar. That's what I need, I need to play a retarded slave, then I'll get the Oscar.
Robert K. Bowfinger: This film is only for Madagascar and Iran, neither of which follow American copyright law.
Robert K. Bowfinger: Think of this as an errand. Your errand is to run across the freeway until I yell, "Cut!"