Lord Caversham: Do you always understand everything you say?
Lord Arthur Goring: Yes... if I listen attentively.
Lord Caversham: Conceited young puppy.
Lord Caversham: Now, if you don't make her an ideal husband, I'll cut you off with a shilling.
Mabel: An ideal husband? Oh, I don't think I should like that.
Lord Caversham: What do you want him to be then, my dear?
Mabel: I think he can be whatever he chooses.
Lord Caversham: You don't deserve her, sir.
Lord Arthur Goring: My dear father, if we men married the women we deserved... we should have a very bad time of it.
Laura: As a betting man, you must concede there is a certain thrill to it. Consider also how elegantly I've moved from proposal to proposition.
Lord Arthur Goring: With hardly any loss of face. I'm most impressed, indeed.
Lord Arthur Goring: My dear Mrs. Cheveley, I should make you a very bad husband.
Laura: I don't mind bad husbands. I've had two. They amused me immensely.
Lord Arthur Goring: I am glad you have called. I am going to give you some advice.
Laura: Oh pray, don't. One should never give a woman something that she can't wear in the evening.
Lord Arthur Goring: I love you... I love you.
Mabel: Is that your reason then?
Lord Arthur Goring: Mmm. Mabel, I said.
Mabel: I know.
Lord Arthur Goring: Well? Couldn't you you love me just a little bit in return?
Mabel: Arthur, you silly! If you knew anything about anything, which you don't, you would know that I absolutely adore you.
Lord Arthur Goring: Really?
Lord Arthur Goring: Well, why didn't you say anything before?
Mabel: Because, dear boy, you never would have believed me.
Lord Arthur Goring: Fashion is what one wears oneself. What is unfashionable is what other people wear. Other people are quite dreadful. The only possible society is oneself.
Laura: Then I take it you reject my proposal?
Lord Arthur Goring: I'm afraid I must. For you see, as tempting as it may be, in truth it's little more than blackmail.
Lord Arthur Goring: Gertrude, it is not the perfect, but rather the imperfect who have need of love.
Gertrude: You seem to know a great deal about it all of a sudden.
Lord Arthur Goring: Oh, I hope not. All I know, Gertrude, is that it takes great courage to see the world in all its tainted glory, and still to love it. And even more courage to see it in the one you love. Gertrude, you have more courage than any woman I have ever known. Do not be afraid now to use it.
Mabel: Lord Goring, I gather you're to be congratulated.
Lord Arthur Goring: Well, there's nothing I like more than to be congratulated, though invariably I find the pleasure immeasurably increased when I know what for.