Penny: Having another hero cop dream, Uncle John?
Officer John Brown: Every time I close my eyes.
Joel: What about foreplay?
Mary: No! Foreplay is for sissies! Real men go in, unload and pull out.
Barbara Porter: Look, I know your grandpa's not great with you girls.
Melanie 'Mel' Porter: Mom, that's like saying the Titanic's not great with icebergs.
Vince Boudreau: If a man builds a thousand bridges and sucks one dick, they don't call him a bridge-builder... they call him a cocksucker.
Lois McNally: If you need anything call me, although I don't know how to do anything except buy clothes.
Elsa Morganthal Strauss-Armistan: If I hadn't been there for you then, you wouldn't be here for me NOW.
Archie Gates: Sit down. What do you see here?
Chief Elgin: Bunkers, sir.
Archie Gates: What's in them?
Troy Barlow: Stuff they stole from Kuwait.
Archie Gates: Bullshit. I'm talking about millions in Kuwaiti bullion.
Conrad Vig: You mean them little cubes you put in hot water to make soup?
Archie Gates: No, not the little cubes you put in hot water to make soup.
Oscar Novak: ...she has an ass so sexy, I struggle to understand it.
Billy Bob: It's a strip club, man. I'm here to work.
Moff: See ya later Pete, no-one gives a fuck about ya.
Assistant at Bewitched: You're wanted on the set.
Lucille: Honey, I'm wanted in seven states.
Edmund Bertram: Surely you and I are beyond speaking when words are not enough.