Best comedy movie quotes of 1995

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Movie Quote Quiz
Dracula: Dead and Loving It picture

[Renfield is being seduced by Dracula's brides.]
Renfield: This is wrong. Do you hear me? Wrong. This is...WRONG ME! WRONG ME! WRONG MY BRAINS OUT!

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Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls picture

Ace: Tell them what I'm saying. [To Wachootoo tribe] I come in peace.
Ouda: White devil say, "I will harm you."
Ace: I couldn't help but notice that Eqinsu Ocha part. Did you just refer to me as White Devil?
Ouda: This how they know you.
Ace: Leave that part out from now on. [To tribe] I represent the princess.
Ouda: I am a princess.
Ace: War is hell. The last thing we want is a fight.
Ouda: I want to fight. So go to Hell.

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Friday picture

Smokey: I got mind control over Debo. When he here, I be quiet, but when he leave, I be talkin' again.

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Now and Then picture

Teeny: Chrissy, truth or dare?
Chrissy: Truth.
Teeny: Have you ever been french kissed?
Chrissy: Are you kidding? I don't want to get pregnant!
Roberta: You can't get pregnant from french-kissing!
Chrissy: I know that, beetle-brain, but it's common knowledge that if you tongue-kiss a boy, he automatically thinks you'll do the deed with him. They can't help it. They're driven. It's the male curse.

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Jumanji picture

[Alan is explaining to Sarah why Van Pelt is chasing him.]
Sarah: Well, have you ever thought about sitting down and talking about your differences?
Alan: What are you, crazy? The man has a gun.
Sarah: Don't ever call me crazy, Alan. Ever. Because everyone in this town has been calling me crazy ever since I told the cops you were sucked into a board game.

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Tommy Boy picture

Tommy: Does this suit make me look fat?
Richard: No, your face does.

Cubs Fan
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Toy Story picture

Buzz: I just want you to know that although you tried to terminate me, revenge is not an idea we promote on my planet.
Woody: Oh, well, that's good.
Buzz: But we're not on my planet, are we?
Woody: No.

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Tank Girl picture

Tank Girl: You gotta think of it like...the first time you got laid. You just gotta go 'Daddy, are you sure this is right?'.

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Major Payne picture

Cadet Stone: If I'm the new squad leader, then my first order is to SCREW YOU, SIR!
Major Payne: What'd you say to me turd?
Cadet Stone: Why don't you go back to hell where you came from?
Major Payne: Boy, I am five seconds from being on you like white on rice with a glass of milk on a paper plate in a snowstorm. I'll put my foot so far up your ass the water on my knee will quench your thirst.
Cadet Stone: Try it.

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Billy Madison picture

High School Principal: Mr. Madison, what you've just said, is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response, were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listen to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Billy Madison: Ok, a simple "wrong" would have done just fine.

Bishop73
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Bad Boys picture

Captain Howard: Until then, until then, you are Mike Lowrey, you be him, that's what you are, you're him.
Marcus Burnett: But I-.
Captain Howard: You're him, I don't wanna hear it, you're him. And you, you're you, you be you, but not in front of her. You're him, you're you.

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The Brady Bunch Movie picture

Larry Dittmeyer: You know Cindy, this lisp thing is really getting old.

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Clueless picture

Mel: You drink?
Christian: No, thanks. I'm cool.
Mel: I'm not offering. I'm asking you if you drink. You think I offer alcohol to teenage drivers taking my daughter out?
Christian: Hey man, the protective vibe. I dig.

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Four Rooms picture

Elspeth: If she doesn't have his goop in ten minutes, I'm going to go in there and get it myself.
Jezebel: That would be a first for you.

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French Kiss picture

Luc: Meanwhile, his lover.
Kate: Don't ever use that word again.
Luc: All right, this bastard woman.

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Get Shorty picture

Chili Palmer: Rough business, this movie business. I'm gonna have to go back to loan-sharking just to take a rest.

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Home for the Holidays picture

Adele: I'm giving thanks that we don't have to go through this for another year. Except we do, because those bastards went and put Christmas right in the middle, just to punish us.

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Mallrats picture

Brodie: Listen, not a year goes by, not a year, that I don't hear about some escalator accident involving some bastard kid which could have easily been avoided had some parent - I don't care which one - but some parent conditioned him to fear and respect that escalator.

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Matt: Can't you just relax and enjoy the moment?
Gwyn: No, I'm a middle child. I always think the really good moments are happening to someone else.

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Rumble in the Bronx picture

Ah Keung: You don't need diamonds in the bathroom.

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