Chili Palmer: Harry, look at me. You're trying to tell me you fucked up without sounding stupid, and that's hard to do.
Bo Catlett: You broke into my house, and I have a witness to it.
Chili Palmer: What?
Bo Catlett: Only this time it ain't no John Wayne and Dean Martin shooting bad guys in "El Dorado."
Chili Palmer: That was "Rio Bravo." Robert Mitchum played the drunk in "El Dorado." Dean Martin played the drunk in "Rio Bravo." Basically, it was the same part. Now John Wayne, he did the same in both. He played John Wayne.
Bo Catlett: Man, I can't wait for you to be dead.
Chili Palmer: Martin, look at me.
Martin Weir: I'm looking at you.
Chili Palmer: No, look at me the way I'm looking at you.
Leo: But how will you find me? You don't know where I'll be... I don't know where I'll be.
Chili Palmer: I'll find you, Leo, you leave a trail like a fuckin' caterpillar.
Chili Palmer: How did you get in here?
Ray Bones: It was easy. I told 'em I was you, I acted real stupid and they believed me.
Ray Bones: They say the fucking smog is the fucking reason you have such beautiful fucking sunsets.
Chili Palmer: Rough business, this movie business. I'm gonna have to go back to loan-sharking just to take a rest.
Ray "Bones" Barboni: Fuck you, fuckball.
Bo Catlett: What is the point of living in L.A. if you're not in the movie business?
Karen Flores: I know I'm better than what I've been doing all these years, walking around in fuck-me pumps and a tank-top, waiting until it was time to scream.
Chili Palmer: Yeah, but what a scream.
Karen Flores: Oh yeah, it's a real talent. Look, all I'm saying is, what I wouldn't give for the chance to say one really great line. You know, like in that great Bette Davis movie where she says, "I'd kiss you... "
Chili Palmer: "But I just washed my hair."
Martin: And I'm wondering: how did it all slip away?
Karen: Well, it didn't slip away, Martin. You did, when you went off to fuck Nicky at my birthday party.
Martin: Yeah, that was a good party.
Chili Palmer: So you make movies, huh?
Harry Zimm: I produce feature motion pictures. No T.V.
Karen Flores: I think you could be an actor.
Chili Palmer: Well, I could see myself in the parts that Robert De Niro plays. Or maybe even, an Al Pacino movie, you know, playing a real hard-on. But I couldn't see myself in those movies where three grown-up guys get left with a baby, and so they act like three grown-up assholes, acting all cute.
Karen Flores: Chili, Chili, look at me.
Chili Palmer: What is that?
Rental Car Attendant: It's an Oldsmobile Silhouette.
Chili Palmer: I ordered a Cadillac.
Rental Car Attendant: Oh, well, you got the Cadillac of minivans.
Limo Driver With Sign: Mr. Barbone? Welcome to L.A., I'm Bobby, your driver. I hope you had a pleasant flight.
Ray "Bones" Barboni: Yeah well, I hope you drive better than you fucking spell, jack-off. My name is Barboni, not Barbone, okay.
Ray "Bones" Barboni: I'm from Miami-fuckin'-Beach and you wanna show me the ocean, huh? And what about sun, does it ever shine around here, or is this smog around all the time?
Limo Driver With Sign: They say the smog is the reason we have such beautiful sunsets.
Ray "Bones" Barboni: That's what they say, huh? What a bunch of fuckin bullshit.
Harry Zimm: I once asked this literary agent, uh, what kind of writing paid the best... he said, "Ransom notes."
