Best comedy movie quotes of 2001

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Shrek (2001)

Shrek picture

Pinocchio: I'm not a puppet, I'm a real boy!
Captain of Guards: Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.

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Super Troopers picture

[Having pulled over a speeding driver.]
Mac: All right, how about Cat Game?
Foster: Cat Game? What's the record?
Mac: Thorny did six, but I think you can do ten.
Foster: Ten? Starting right meow?
[They go up to the car.]
Driver: Sorry about the...
Foster: All right meow. Hand over your license and registration.
[The man gives him his license.]
Foster: Your registration? Hurry up meow.
Driver: [laughing.] Sorry.
Foster: Is there something funny here boy?
Driver: Oh, no.
Foster: Then why you laughing, Mister... Larry Johnson?
[Foster stares at him.]
Foster: All right meow, where were we?
Driver: Excuse me, are you saying meow?
Foster: Am I saying meow?
Driver: I thought...
Foster: Don't think boy. Meow, do you know how fast you were going?
[The man laughs.]
Foster: Meow. What is so damn funny?
Driver: I could have sworn you said meow.
Foster: Do I look like a cat to you, boy? Am I jumpin' around all nimbly-bimbly from tree to tree? Am I drinking milk from a saucer? DO YOU SEE ME EATING MICE?
[The man is uncontrollably laughing.]
Foster: You stop laughing right meow!
Driver: [Stops and swallows hard.] Yes sir.
Foster: Meow, I'm gonna have to give you a ticket on this one. No buts meow. It's the law.
[Rips off the ticket and hands it to the man.]
Foster: Not so funny meow, is it?
[Foster gets up to leave, but Mac shakes his hands at him, indicating only nine meows.]
Foster: Meow!

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Bridget Jones's Diary picture

Mark Darcy: I don't think you're an idiot at all. I mean, there are elements of the ridiculous about you. Your mother's pretty interesting. And you really are an appallingly bad public speaker. And, um, you tend to let whatever's in your head come out of your mouth without much consideration of the consequences... But the thing is, um, what I'm trying to say, very inarticulately, is that, um, in fact, perhaps despite appearances, I like you, very much. Just as you are.

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Scary Movie 2 picture

Cindy: Oh my god, Brenda, we're gonna die!
Brenda: Well, it would have just been you if you had just shut the fuck up.

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The Princess Diaries picture

Joe: No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

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Ocean's Eleven picture

Virgil Malloy: Are you a man?
Turk Malloy: Yes, nineteen.
Virgil Malloy: Are you alive?
Turk Malloy: Yes, eighteen.
Virgil Malloy: Evel Knievel.
Turk Malloy: ...shit.

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Rat Race picture

Enrico Pollini: Am I too late-a? Look I won a coin, a gold coin-a, isn't it wonderful? Look at this room, what a beautiful room, have you seen this room?
Randy Pear: Yes! We're IN it.

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Not Another Teen Movie picture

Janey: Jake! How did you get in here? I thought Dad bolted the door.
Jake: There's a big hole in the side of your house.

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Monsters, Inc. picture

Henry J. Waternoose: Kids these days. They just don't get scared like they used to.

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Kate & Leopold picture

Leopold: As I see it, Patrice has not an inkling of your affections, and it's no wonder. You, Charles, are a merry-andrew.
Charlie: A what?
Leopold: Everything plays a farce to you. Women respond to sincerity. No-one wants to be romanced by a buffoon.

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Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back picture

Teenager #1: Jay said you had a Star Wars themed wedding and you tied the knot dressed as Imperial Stormtroopers.
Teenager #2: Oh, and he says you're the bitch and you're the butch.
Dante: I'm the bitch?
Randall: Well, if we were gay, that's certainly the way I'd see it.

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American Pie 2 picture

[Both sets of parents have walked in on Jim and Natalie having sex.]
Jim's Dad: [to Natalie's Dad.] Hi, I'm Jim's Dad. You must be the parents of this young lady. I didn't get your daughter's name, but I'm pretty sure my son did.

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Wet Hot American Summer picture

Andy: You taste like a burger. I don't like you anymore.

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Kissing Jessica Stein picture

Helen: Some people smoke pot, some people bungee jump, some people chant. What do you do to be happy?
Jessica: Nothing. I'm not.

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Joe Dirt picture

Joe Dirt: So, you're gonna tell me, that you don't have no black cats, no Roman candles, or screamin' mimis?
Kicking Wing: No.
Joe Dirt: Oh come on man. You don't got no lady fingers, buzz bottles, snicker bombs, church burners, finger blasters, gut busters, zip-a-dee-do-dahs, crap flappers?
Kicking Wing: No, I don't.
Joe Dirt: You're gonna stand there, owning a firework stand, and tell me you don't have no whistling bungholes, no spleen splitters, whisker biscuits, honker lighters, huskers dus, husker don'ts, cherry bombs, nipsy dazers, with or without the scooter stick, or one single whisking kitty chaser?

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Bishop73
The Royal Tenenbaums picture

Margot: I think we're just gonna to have to be secretly in love with each other and leave it at that.

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[Afer Max punches a hole in a wall.]
Max Prince: I wanna hit something else. Something big! Something expensive!
Milt Fields: There's a bank across the street, Max.

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Osmosis Jones picture

Osmosis: We were so poor, we lived off peanut butter and cellulite sandwiches! You ever try to blow-dry your hair with a fart?
Drix: OK, I get it. You were poor.
Osmosis: You bet I was! You ever try to make a snowman out of toilet paper cling-ons? Now that's poor!
Drix: OK, please, you're going to make me vomit!
Osmosis: Vomit? We couldn't afford no vomit; that's for rich folk.
Drix: Excuse me while I wipe my eyes.
Osmosis: Oh, you wanna talk about wiping?
Drix: No.

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Down to Earth picture

Lance Barton: I got roaches. Who here got roaches?
Man in Audience: Everybody got roaches, man. It's Harlem.

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Bishop73
Corky Romano picture

Corky Romano: You know, I never thought I'd live to see the day that an FBI agent would be peddling smack.
Brick Davis: Don't act so surprised. J. Edgar Hoover use to wear a dress.
Corky: Just tell me why, Brick.
Brick: I don't know. I suppose it made him feel sexy.
Corky: Not Hoover, you.
Brick: I think it's time to get on with the meeting.
Corky: What meeting?
Brick: The meeting between your genitals and this knife.

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Bishop73
Rush Hour 2 picture

Carter: Now gimme a hundred-thousand in chips, and a diet pepsi and some hot wings!

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