Napoleon Bonaparte: I am Napoleon.
Nicole 'Pumpkin' Truchaut: No, you're not Napoleon! I hate Napoleon! He's filled France with widows and orphans! He took my husband! I won't let him take you.
Akash Malhotra: Dad, there is more to life than just signing checks.
Akash's father: Really... What is that?
Akash Malhotra: I don't know, but as soon as I do, you will be the first to know.
Mama: That man looks like that Santa from years ago... no, can't be...No more eggnog for me.
Kate Westbourne: You know, sometimes you don't even act like you're my son, Wesley.
Wesley Westbourne: Sometimes you don't even act like you're my mother.
Kate Westbourne: Oh, come on, I've given you everything a child could want. Toys, love, publicity.
Amy Mandell: The primary difference between a man and a woman is that man gets his self-esteem when a woman says yes and a women gets hers when she says no.
Jackie: I'm calling from a pay phone because I can't get my piece of sht cell phone to work unless I stand on my head with my fingers up my ass!