Matt: Would you like a falafel with that?
Oz: All right, here's a new idea for you, Stifler, okay? You find a girl. You two become best friends. And you don't bother counting how many times you have sex with each other. You just laugh at the people that do count.
Stifler: Here's a new idea for you. I'll get you a spoon so you can eat my ass.
Frank: That Zerelda turned into a hell of a woman, eh?
Jesse James: Oh yeah.
Frank: "Big and older"?
Jesse James: You can shut up now, Frank.
Frank: You are a charmer.
Jesse James: I swear to god I will shoot you in your sleep.
Frank: Next time try "Fat and haggard".
Leroy: Kevlar is for pussies.
Kakihara: Listen, when you're giving pain to someone, don't think about the pain that person is feeling. Just concentrate on how good it feels to be causing someone pain. That's the best thing you can do for a true masochist.
Sara: Nelson do you want to be my November.
Nelson: Yes.
Mike: Alright, Smallsy? Eh, you've got the best part of the dressing room, there - that's Charlton's lucky peg, that is.
Smallsy: Hey, hear that lads? I've got Bobby Charlton's lucky peg.
Mike: No - Jackie's.
Commentator 1: I think he might be ambidextrous
Commentator 2: I don't know about that Bob, but he can definitely play with both feet.
Max: I'll see you, uh, bassoon.
Diane: If the O.J. trial taught us anything, it taught us that, in America, you can cut somebody's head off and still be innocent as long as you have enough money. Well Kansas your mom only shoot a guy.
Orin Boyd: Good evening, Commander.
Annette Mulcahy: What are you doing here Boyd?
Orin Boyd: You said you wanted to see me.
Annette Mulcahy: In my office, not here.
Orin Boyd: Yeah, but I'm here now. So let's talk.
Mulcahy's Date: I'm sorry, but we were actually right in the middle.
Orin Boyd: Why don't you take a walk?
The Monster: Nobody's afraid of me any more.
Beatrice: ...I'm afraid of you.
Jonathan: You are a strange and interesting woman.
Hedwig: How did some slip of a girly boy from communist East Berlin become the internationally ignored song stylist barely standing before you?
Principal Prickly: I never saw Philliam again. He quit teaching, went into politics, eventually became Secretary of Education, until the president fired him for trying to get rid of recess again. Only this time it was nationwide.
Carter: Now gimme a hundred-thousand in chips, and a diet pepsi and some hot wings!
Travis: Du Jour means teamwork.