Judith: Have you ever had a girlfriend?
J.D.: Yes... No.
Judith: Have you ever fantasized about having sex with a man?
J.D.: Which man?
Judith: Any man.
J.D.: You mean like a tall man?
Judith: Sure, whatever.
J.D.: 'Cause I don't like tall people, they bother me.
Judith: What about a short man?
J.D.: How short? Some times people can be too short, that's weird like midgets.
Judith: Have you ever fantasized about having sex with any man, any man at all?
J.D.: Does that include celebrities?
Darren: You're a lot stronger then you were in high school.
Sandy: Yeah, well, the convent's got a great gym.
Coach Norton: When are you going to get hitched there, son?
J.D.: Actually I'm not, I'm GAY.
Coach Norton: Oh... me too.
J.D.: Hey Sandy! It's me, JD, I went to high school with you, remember?
Sandy: Um, no I don't think I recall.
J.D.: Yeah, c'mon. Remember? I went to prom with a tux painted on my naked body?
J.D.: Yeah! And then I spilled punch on myself and everyone could see my dong?
Sandy: No, JD, I really.
J.D.: Oh yeah! We had chemistry together and I tried to light a fart with the Bunsen burner and I ended up singeing my balls... still can't grow hair on my left nut. Sucks.