Saving Silverman (2001)

Wayne: So, Coach, how's your parole coming?
Coach Norton: Not good. The victim's whiny family keeps complaining.
J.D.: God! What is their problem?

J.D.: Come on AH YEEEEEEEH-HA.

J.D.: Fuck you, replacement-friends.
Wayne: Eat this, Fake Wayne.

Darren: I don't think I'm gonna be real comfortable with these things on my nipples.
Wayne: I can put 'em on your balls.
Darren: The nipples are fine. Nipples work.

Wayne: So Darren tells me you're a psychologist.
Judith: That's right.
Wayne: I'm in a related field.
Judith: Really? What is it?
Wayne: Pest and rodent removal.
Judith: How is that related?
Wayne: We both help people.

J.D.: Do you want a drink?
Judith: Scotch on the rocks.
J.D.: No problem. You want ice with that?

Darren: You're a lot stronger then you were in high school.
Sandy: Yeah, well, the convent's got a great gym.

Judith: Have you ever had a girlfriend?
J.D.: Yes... No.
Judith: Have you ever fantasized about having sex with a man?
J.D.: Which man?
Judith: Any man.
J.D.: You mean like a tall man?
Judith: Sure, whatever.
J.D.: 'Cause I don't like tall people, they bother me.
Judith: What about a short man?
J.D.: How short? Some times people can be too short, that's weird like midgets.
Judith: Have you ever fantasized about having sex with any man, any man at all?
J.D.: Does that include celebrities?

J.D.: You've been pinching loaves on the lawn? I play croquet out there.

Darren: I don't have much time, guys. I have to go home and wax Judith's legs.

Coach Norton: When are you going to get hitched there, son?
J.D.: Actually I'm not, I'm GAY.
Coach Norton: Oh... me too.

J.D.: Hey Sandy! It's me, JD, I went to high school with you, remember?
Sandy: Um, no I don't think I recall.
J.D.: Yeah, c'mon. Remember? I went to prom with a tux painted on my naked body?
Sandy: Um.
J.D.: Yeah! And then I spilled punch on myself and everyone could see my dong?
Sandy: No, JD, I really.
J.D.: Oh yeah! We had chemistry together and I tried to light a fart with the Bunsen burner and I ended up singeing my balls... still can't grow hair on my left nut. Sucks.

J.D.: Maybe she's a herm.
Darren: A what?
J.D.: Ya know, a herm. A little puss, little dick.

J.D.: Dude, if you get the nachos stuck together, that's one nacho.

Judith: I don't want your shitty old house or your dead grandmother.
Wayne: I'll throw J.D. in. He doesn't look like much but girls call him the human power tool.
J.D.: It's true.

Wayne: You're not gay... you're just confused.
J.D.: Yes, I am gay. Oh HEY! Do you wanna be gay with me?
Wayne: No.

J.D.: She used her super-intellect on me! She's like Hanibal Lecter.