National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

Clark: Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.

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Clark: Oh, I was just smelling - smiling. I was just blouse - browsing. I, uh, heh heh. Well, I guess it just wouldn't... Oh hee hee, it wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than they - HOTTER than they are. Whew. It is warm in here, isn't it?
Mary: You have your coat on.
Clark: Yes, oh do I? Yeah, it is a bit nipply out. I mean nippy. What am I saying, nipple?

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Clark: Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol?

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Clark Griswold: [reciting 'Twas the Night Before Christmas.] When what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a miniature sleigh, and...and Eddie with a man in his pajamas and a dog chain tied to his wrist and ankles. What the...?

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Bishop73

Ellen Griswold: What are you looking at?
Clark Griswold: Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn. The clean, cool chill of the holiday air. An asshole, in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer.

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Bishop73

Clark Griswold: What are you doing up, sweetheart?
Ruby Sue Johnson: Rocky bit my thumb. Him's nervous because Christmas is almost here.
Clark: Nervous or excited?
Ruby Sue: Shittin' bricks.
Clark: You shouldn't use that word.
Ruby Sue: Sorry. Shittin' rocks.

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Bishop73

Mr. Shirley: Don't forget that report, Bill.
Clark Griswold: Yes, sir. Thank you, Merry Christmas. [To the executives with Mr. Shirley as they pass by.] Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah.

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Bishop73

Todd: Hey, Griswold. Where do you think you're gonna put a tree that big?
Clark: Bend over and I'll show you.
Todd: You've got a lot of nerve talking to me like that, Griswold.
Clark: I wasn't talking to you.

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Clark: Worse? How could things get any worse? Take a look around you, Ellen. We're at the threshold of Hell.

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Clark: 'Tis the season to be merry.
Mary: That's my name.
Clark: No shit.

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Mistakes

In the scene where Clark is working on the lights the full moon is shown. This is December 14th according to the advent calendar. On December 24th when Santa's sleigh goes sailing over the moon, it is still full.

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Trivia

Clark Griswold in the attic watching old movies dressed in a woman's turban and gloves to keep warm is not only funny but a reference to the Norma Desmond character from "Sunset Blvd.", who watches her old films to remember her Hollywood glory days.

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