Elle: And last week I saw Cameron Diaz at Fred Segal, and I talked her out of buying this truly heinous angora sweater. Whoever said orange was the new pink was seriously disturbed.
Elle: The rules of hair care are simple and finite. Any Cosmo girl would have known.
Elle: For that matter, any masturbatory emissions, where the sperm is not seeking an egg, could be termed reckless abandonment.
Professor Callahan: You've just won your case.
Elle: I don't need back-ups. I'm going to Harvard.
C.U.L.A. Advisor: Well then, you'll need excellent recommendations from your professors.
C.U.L.A. Advisor: And a heck of an admissions essay.
C.U.L.A. Advisor: And at least a 175 on your LSATs.
Elle: I once had to judge a tighty-whitey contest for Lambda Kappa Pi. Trust me, I can handle anything.
Elle: Bend and snap.
Elle: All people see when they look at me is blonde hair and big boobs.
Elle: I promised her, and I can't break the bonds of sisterhood.
Professor Callahan: Screw sisterhood! This is a murder investigation! Not some scandal at the sorority house.
Professor Stromwell: If you're going to let one stupid prick ruin your life... you're not the girl I thought you were.
Warner Huntington III: You got into Harvard Law?
Elle: What? Like it's hard?
Professor Callahan: Do you think she woke up one morning and said "I think I'll go to law school today"?
Elle: Uh. I'm sorry. I just hallucinated.
Elle: Warner, what kind of shoes are these?
Warner Huntington III: Umm... black ones.
Paulette: So what's a girl to do? He's a guy who followed his pecker to greener pastures. I'm a middle aged, high school drop out with stretch marks and a fat ass.
Brooke: You know a Delta Nu would never sleep with a man who wears a thong.
Brooke: I just liked to watch him change the filter.
Boutique Saleswoman: There's nothing I love better than a dumb blonde with Daddy's plastic.
Elle: I just don't think that Brooke could've done this. Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands, they just don't.
Warner Huntington III: If I want to be a Senator, I need to marry a Jackie, not a Marilyn.
Elle's Mother: Honey, you were First Runner-Up at the "Miss Hawaiian Tropics" contest. Why are you going to throw that all away?
Elle: Going to Harvard is the only way I'm going to get the love of my life back.
Elle's Father: Oh, sweetheart, you don't need law school. Law school is for people who are boring and ugly and serious. And you, button, are none of those things.