Best comedy movie quotes of all time

Please vote as you browse around to help the best rise to the top.

Movie Quote Quiz
Ghostbusters picture

Ray Stantz: Where do these stairs go?
Peter Venkman: They go up.

More Ghostbusters quotes
Three Amigos picture

Jefe: I have put many beautiful pinatas in the storeroom, each of them filled with little suprises.
El Guapo: Many pinatas?
Jefe: Oh yes, many!
El Guapo: Would you say I have a plethora of pinatas?
Jefe: A what?
El Guapo: A *plethora*.
Jefe: Oh yes, you have a plethora.
El Guapo: Jefe, what is a plethora?
Jefe: Why, El Guapo?
El Guapo: Well, you told me I have a plethora. And I just would like to know if you know what a plethora is. I would not like to think that a person would tell someone he has a plethora, and then find out that that person has *no idea* what it means to have a plethora.
Jefe: Forgive me, El Guapo. I know that I, Jefe, do not have your superior intellect and education. But could it be that once again, you are angry at something else, and are looking to take it out on me?

More Three Amigos quotes
Dracula: Dead and Loving It picture

[Renfield is being seduced by Dracula's brides.]
Renfield: This is wrong. Do you hear me? Wrong. This is...WRONG ME! WRONG ME! WRONG MY BRAINS OUT!

More Dracula: Dead and Loving It quotes
Fright Night picture

Jerry: You bit off more then you can chew.
Ed: It's too late, man. I told people what you are. You've been made.
Jerry: And you think anyone's actually going to believe you?
Ed: No, No. Don't play that crap. Don't play that mind shit with me. I'm serious. Try me.
Jerry: Okay. You said you're glad you're different.
Ed: Get back!
Jerry: How can you be in a place like this? These people. Even your best friend did nothing to help.
Ed: No.
Jerry: You were born for this and you know it. It's a gift.
[Jerry bites Ed.]

More Fright Night quotes
Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls picture

Ace: Tell them what I'm saying. [To Wachootoo tribe] I come in peace.
Ouda: White devil say, "I will harm you."
Ace: I couldn't help but notice that Eqinsu Ocha part. Did you just refer to me as White Devil?
Ouda: This how they know you.
Ace: Leave that part out from now on. [To tribe] I represent the princess.
Ouda: I am a princess.
Ace: War is hell. The last thing we want is a fight.
Ouda: I want to fight. So go to Hell.

More Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls quotes
Withnail & I picture

Withnail: Are you the farmer?
Marwood: Shut up, I'll deal with this.
Withnail: We've gone on holiday by mistake. We're in this cottage here. Are you the farmer?
Marwood: Stop saying that Withnail, of course he's the fucking farmer!

More Withnail & I quotes
National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation picture

Clark: Worse? How could things get any worse? Take a look around you, Ellen. We're at the threshold of Hell.

More National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation quotes
Dark Shadows picture

Barnabas Collins: What is your age?
Carolyn Stoddard: Fifteen.
Barnabas Collins: Fifteen, and no husband? You must put those child-bearing hips to good use, lest your womb shrivel up and die.

More Dark Shadows quotes
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales picture

Henry: I saw her ankles.
Captain Jack Sparrow: You would've seen a lot more if you kept your cakehole shut.

More Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales quotes
Megamind picture

Megamind: You dare challenge Megamind?
Titan: This town isn't big enough for two super-villians.
Megamind: Oh, you're a villain all right. Just not a super one.
Titan: Yeah? What's the difference?
Megamind: PRESENTATION!

More Megamind quotes
The Secret Life of Walter Mitty picture

Walter Mitty: To see the world, things dangerous to come to, to see behind walls, draw closer, to find each other, and to feel. That is the purpose of life.

More The Secret Life of Walter Mitty quotes
Kung Fu Panda picture

Master Oogway: There is a saying: Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.

More Kung Fu Panda quotes
Kingsman: The Secret Service picture

Harry Hart: There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.

More Kingsman: The Secret Service quotes
Who Framed Roger Rabbit picture

Roger Rabbit: No! Not my Jessica! Not pattycake! It can't be! It just can't be! Jessica's my wife! It's absolutely impossible! Jessica's the love of my life. The apple of my eye. The cream in my coffee.
Eddie Valiant: Well you better start drinking it black, Acme's taking the cream now.

More Who Framed Roger Rabbit quotes
Napoleon Dynamite picture

Deb: What are you drawing?
Napoleon Dynamite: A liger.
Deb: What's a liger?
Napoleon Dynamite: It's pretty much my favorite animal. It's like a lion and a tiger mixed... Bred for its skills in magic.

More Napoleon Dynamite quotes
Clue picture

Colonel Mustard: Wadsworth, am I right in thinking that there is nobody else in this house?
Wadsworth: Um, no.
Colonel Mustard: Then there is somebody else in the house?
Wadsworth: No, sorry. I said no meaning yes.
Colonel Mustard: No meaning yes? Look, I want a straight answer, is there someone else or isn't there, yes or no?
Wadsworth: Um...no.
Colonel Mustard: No, there is? Or no, there isn't?
Wadsworth: Yes.

More Clue quotes
Midnight Run picture

Jack Walsh: Here come two words for you: shut the fuck up.

More Midnight Run quotes
The Ballad of Buster Scruggs picture

Buster Scruggs: Misanthrope? I don't hate my fellow man, even when he's tiresome and surly and tries to cheat at poker. I figure that's just a human material, and him that finds in it cause for anger and dismay is just a fool for expecting better.

More The Ballad of Buster Scruggs quotes
Love and Other Drugs picture

Jamie Randall: I need you.
Maggie Murdock: Please go away.
Jamie Randall: I drove a really long way to say that!
Maggie Murdock: What, am I supposed to be impressed?
Jamie Randall: I don't know, yes?

More Love and Other Drugs quotes
Ted picture

Narrator: Now if there's one thing you can be sure of, it's that nothing is more powerful than a young boy's wish. Except an Apache helicopter. An Apache helicopter has machine guns AND missiles. It is an unbelievably impressive complement of weaponry, an absolute death machine.

More Ted quotes

Join the mailing list

Separate from membership, this is to get updates about mistakes in recent releases. Addresses are not passed on to any third party, and are used solely for direct communication from this site. You can unsubscribe at any time.