Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

Dr. Evil: Very well, where should I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims, like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. A sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical; summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. If I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard, really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fifteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shawn scrotum. At the age of eighteen, I went off to evil medical school. From there.

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Frau Farbissina: Remember when we froze your semen? You said that if it looked like you weren't coming back we should try to make you a son so that a part of you could live forever?
Dr. Evil: Oh, sure.
Frau Farbissina: Well, after a couple of years, we got a little impatient. Dr. Evil, I want you to meet your son.
Dr. Evil: My son?
Frau Farbissina: Ja. SCOTT!

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Dr. Evil: Throw me a frickin' bone here!

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Austin Powers: Jimi Hendrix, deceased, drugs. Janis Joplin, deceased, alcohol. Mama Cass, deceased, ham sandwich.

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Austin Powers: Hey, there you are!
Man: Well, howdy! Do I know you?
Austin Powers: No, but that's where you are - you're there!

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Austin Powers: Who throws a shoe? Honestly. You fight like a woman.

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Dr. Evil: When I ask for sharks with frickin' laser beams on their heads, I expect sharks with frickin' laser beams on their heads! What do we have?
Number Two: Seabass.

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[Dr. Evil has just shown a huge drill to Austin and Vanessa.]
Austin Powers: Does that make you horny?
Vanessa: Not now, Austin.

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