Will: You know, I was on this plane once. And I'm sittin' there and the captain comes on and he does his whole, "We'll be cruising at 35,000 feet, " then he puts the mic down but he forgets to turn it off. Then he turns to the copilot and goes, "You know, all I could go for right now is a fuckin' blow job and a cup of coffee." So the stewardess fuckin' goes bombin' up from the back of the plane to tell him the mic's still on, and this guy behind me goes, "Hey hun, don't forget the coffee!"
Secretary: How do you write women so well?
Melvin Udall: I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability.
Garland Greene: Define irony - a bunch of idiots dancing around on a plane to a song made famous by a band that died in a plane crash.
Castor Troy: You'll be seeing a lot of changes around here. Papa's got a brand new bag.
Frau Farbissina: Remember when we froze your semen? You said that if it looked like you weren't coming back we should try to make you a son so that a part of you could live forever?
Dr. Evil: Oh, sure.
Frau Farbissina: Well, after a couple of years, we got a little impatient. Dr. Evil, I want you to meet your son.
Dr. Evil: My son?
Frau Farbissina: Ja. SCOTT!
Roland Tembo: The Rex just fed, so he won't be hunting for a while.
Ian Malcolm: Just fed? I assume you're talking about Eddie? You might show a little more respect, the man saved our lives by giving his.
Roland Tembo: Then his problems are over. My point is, predators don't hunt when they're not hungry.
Nick Van Owen: Yeah, only humans do.
Roland Tembo: Oh, you're breaking my heart. Come on! Saddle up, let's get this moveable feast under way!
Fairy Godmother: Cinderella, if you really love him, why don't you let him know?
Cinderella: How can I? Look at me.
Fairy Godmother: Do you really think he fell in love with your fancy gown and your pretty braids?
Cinderella: I don't know anymore. And if you hadn't helped me...
Fairy Godmother: You didn't need my help. You just thought you did. Believe in yourself, Cinderella, and trust him to love you as you really are.
Thomas Devoe: I don't know about these guys, but General Aleksandr Kodoroff doesn't ride around on a nuclear transportation train. It's like Ivana Trump on the subway.
President James Marshall: Peace is not just the absence of conflict, but the presence of justice.