Ben Hood: Well, that's the whole point of the holidays, Paul. So you and your sister can mope around the house, and your mother and I can wait on your hand and foot, while the two of you occasionally grunt for more food from behind the hair in your faces. Believe it or not, we actually enjoy it.
Murray: One wish per customer and no wishes for more wishes. They plugged that loophole up years ago. In past years there were abuses.
Steve: Who says we want what we think we want? We want what we think we are supposed to want? Like what the books tell us to want. And the movies. That's what I wanted. Happy. Happy, happy, happy. Shit like that, ok? We didn't get that. That's the end of that. Ok? It's not... the end of us. It's the end of a dream, that's all. You wake up in the morning, the dream's over, so what? We're still here.
Elliot Zweikel: Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a good husband in this town? Let alone a good dentist.
Harry Block: Does the president think of fucking every woman he meets? Oh sorry, bad example.
Boris Pochenko: Do I not intimidate you at all?
Joy Miller: Is one of your sideburns longer than the other?
Jimmy Nova: Wanna know what a cockroach is called in Algeria?
Montello Hungry: Why the fuck would someone want to know that?
Ulysses Ulee Jackson: We don't ask outsiders for help.
Mitchell Stephens: I can help you.
Billy Ansell: Not unless you can raise the dead.
Kenny: I'm gonna call the Ghostbusters on your ass.
John Henry Irons: I never could make the free-throws.
Okkoto: Look on my tribe, Moro. We grow small, and we grow stupid. We will soon be nothing but squealing game... that the humans hunt for their meat.
Dr. Butz: When those lawyers start crawling all over you, that's when you know you're a doctor.
Richard Dees: Never believe what you publish, and never publish what you believe.
Ellen: What happened?
Det. Duvall: Burglery... She lost a lot of jewelry. Not to mention the house trashed, the cat eviscerated.
Curtis Freley: Everyone who plays the game understands the rules.
