Best comedy movie quotes of 1996

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Movie Quote Quiz
Happy Gilmore picture

Happy Gilmore: I'm stupid. You're smart. I was wrong. You were right. You're the best. I'm the worst. You're very good-looking. I'm not attractive.

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Space Jam picture

Stan Podalak: Let me help! Let me help! I can help! I can help!
Michael Jordan: What can you do?
Stan Podalak: Well, I may not be very tall, but... I'm slow.
Sylvester: And large.
Daffy Duck: And a dork.

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Bulletproof picture

Archie Moses: This is a '70s porno. You know how I can tell? Because the guy's dick has sideburns.

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Tin Cup picture

Romeo Posar: Now THAT was a defining moment. And the definition was "shit."

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Freeway picture

Vanessa: Ho-ly shit! Well look who got beaten with the ugly stick. Bob, is that you? My God, I can't believe such an itty bitty gun could make such a big mess out of someone! You are so ugly Bob! Oh and hey I heard you have one of those poop bags where the shit comes out the side, you're just a big old shitbag aren't you Bob! I hope you think of me every time you shit in that thing, motherfucker!

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The Cable Guy picture

Sam Sweet: [911 call being played.] Oh my God! Oh my God! My twin brother has been shot! I think it was an Asian gang or something... There was this guy, he looked Asian... And he was speaking another language, I'm pretty sure it was... Asian.

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Down Periscope picture

Pascal: Jesus, Buckman! This stuff has been on the Stingray since Korea! This can expired in 1966!
Buckman: What's the matter, sir? It still tastes like cream corn.
Pascal: Except it's deviled ham.

Bishop73
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Swingers picture

Trent: I don't want you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie everyone's *really* hoping makes it happen. I want you to be like the guy in the rated R movie, you know, the guy you're not sure whether or not you like yet. You're not sure where he's coming from. Okay? You're a bad man.

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Eddie Izzard: Definite Article picture

Eddie: Cos people think I'm on drugs and I'm not. I'm really quite... Just a bit of coffee. When I take drugs I start going, "Oh, would you like insurance?"

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Tremors 2 picture

Kate Reilly: Who named them graboids anyway?
Earl Bassett: A friend of ours, Walter Chang, he named them. Then they ate him.

Kyle G.
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Beavis and Butthead Do America picture

Agent Flemming: Well, I'll be a monkey's bare-assed uncle.

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The Birdcage picture

Armand: Yes, I wear foundation. Yes, I live with a man. Yes, I'm a middle- aged fag. But I know who I am, Val. It took me twenty years to get here, and I'm not gonna let some idiot senator destroy that. Fuck the senator, I don't give a damn what he thinks.

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Bordello of Blood picture

Caleb Verdoux: Oh my God, it's a necrophiliac's wet dream.

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First Wives Club picture

Duarto: Leave me alone. One hour. One hour. One hour, thank you.

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The Frighteners picture

Dr. Lucy Lynskey: Tell me, why is it that you can see Ray and I can't?
Frank Bannister: I was in an accident. A car accident... about five years ago. I don't know. They say that sometimes when you have a traumatic experience that it can alter your perception.

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Jack picture

Jack: Hey guys, I brought a friend, okay? This is Mr. Woodruff.
Eddie: Are you ten, too?
Lawrence Woodruff: Uh, well if you ask my wife. No I'm afraid I'm just a regular, garden-variety old fart.

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Jerry Maguire picture

Jerry Maguire: Have you ever gotten the feeling that you aren't completely embarassed yet, but you glimpse tomorrow's embarrassment?

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Jingle All the Way picture

Howard: Aww, poor baby.

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Kingpin picture

Ishmael: Okay, you want to bowl for some big money, eh? But I'll lose my entire bonus check because I'm so bombed.
McKnight Bowl Bartender: You get that way from ginger ale?
Roy: Nah, he was sniffing glue in the parking lot.

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Mars Attacks! picture

President Dale: What do you think, Marcia?
First Lady: Kick the crap out of 'em.

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