Best comedy movie quotes of 1996

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Movie Quote Quiz
Happy Gilmore picture

Happy Gilmore: I'm stupid. You're smart. I was wrong. You were right. You're the best. I'm the worst. You're very good-looking. I'm not attractive.

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Space Jam picture

Stan Podalak: Let me help! Let me help! I can help! I can help!
Michael Jordan: What can you do?
Stan Podalak: Well, I may not be very tall, but... I'm slow.
Sylvester: And large.
Daffy Duck: And a dork.

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Bulletproof picture

Archie Moses: This is a '70s porno. You know how I can tell? Because the guy's dick has sideburns.

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Tin Cup picture

Romeo Posar: Now THAT was a defining moment. And the definition was "shit."

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Freeway picture

Vanessa: Ho-ly shit! Well look who got beaten with the ugly stick. Bob, is that you? My God, I can't believe such an itty bitty gun could make such a big mess out of someone! You are so ugly Bob! Oh and hey I heard you have one of those poop bags where the shit comes out the side, you're just a big old shitbag aren't you Bob! I hope you think of me every time you shit in that thing, motherfucker!

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The Cable Guy picture

Sam Sweet: [911 call being played.] Oh my God! Oh my God! My twin brother has been shot! I think it was an Asian gang or something... There was this guy, he looked Asian... And he was speaking another language, I'm pretty sure it was... Asian.

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Down Periscope picture

Pascal: Jesus, Buckman! This stuff has been on the Stingray since Korea! This can expired in 1966!
Buckman: What's the matter, sir? It still tastes like cream corn.
Pascal: Except it's deviled ham.

Bishop73
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Swingers picture

Trent: I don't want you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie everyone's *really* hoping makes it happen. I want you to be like the guy in the rated R movie, you know, the guy you're not sure whether or not you like yet. You're not sure where he's coming from. Okay? You're a bad man.

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Eddie Izzard: Definite Article picture

Eddie: Cos people think I'm on drugs and I'm not. I'm really quite... Just a bit of coffee. When I take drugs I start going, "Oh, would you like insurance?"

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Beautiful Thing picture

Ste: There ain't nowhere else.
Sandra: There is, actually, Ste. There's an island in the Mediterranean called Lesbian, and all its inhabitants are dykes. So you've got your eye wiped there.

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Beavis and Butthead Do America picture

Butt-head: Whoa, cool. Hey, can I have a gun, too?

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Bordello of Blood picture

Tamara: Guess where you just landed, lover?
Rafe Guttman: Larry Flynt's id?

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First Wives Club picture

Annie: Let's synchronize our watches.
Brenda: Ooo, just like "Mission: Impossible!"
Elise: Oh, that was a big hit.

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The Frighteners picture

Stuart, Bannister's Ghostly Assistant: Come on. You're out of your mind. You're talking about a mythical figure. A pseudo-religious icon from the 12th century.
Judge: Save your pea brain prattle for the classroom, boy. That was the soul collector and he's been taking people out since time began. He's been going about some dark business here in Fairwater and we ain't nothing but worm bait. When your number's up, that's it.

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High School High picture

Richard Clark: I've never been very good with relationships. In fact, most of mine ended with "Hey, what are you doing in bed with that other woman?" And that was me talking.

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Jerry Maguire picture

Dorothy: On the surface, everything seems fine. I've got this great guy. And he loves my kid. And he sure does like me a lot. And I can't live like that. It's not the way I'm built.

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Jingle All the Way picture

Howard Langston: He got two! He got two.

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Kingpin picture

espn Announcer: So Roy, where have you been for the last fifteen years?
Roy: Well, I uh, well, ya see, I uh... Drinking. Lot a drinking.
espn Announcer: I see. Well, are you still drinking?
Roy: No. I uh... I put... uh... Why, you buying?

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Mars Attacks! picture

Grandma Florence Norris: Richie, I think these guys are very sick.

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Matilda picture

Matilda: This is the cottage from your story.
Jenny: Yes.
Matilda: The young woman is you.
Jenny: Yes.
Matilda: But then... No.
Jenny: Yes. Aunt Trunchbull.

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