Best comedy movie quotes of 1996

Please vote as you browse around to help the best rise to the top.

Movie Quote Quiz
The Cable Guy picture

Sam Sweet: [911 call being played.] Oh my God! Oh my God! My twin brother has been shot! I think it was an Asian gang or something... There was this guy, he looked Asian... And he was speaking another language, I'm pretty sure it was... Asian.

More The Cable Guy quotes
Space Jam picture

Stan Podalak: Let me help! Let me help! I can help! I can help!
Michael Jordan: What can you do?
Stan Podalak: Well, I may not be very tall, but... I'm slow.
Sylvester: And large.
Daffy Duck: And a dork.

More Space Jam quotes
Matilda picture

Agatha Trunchbull: You wanted cake, you got cake! Now EAT IT.

More Matilda quotes
Happy Gilmore picture

Happy Gilmore: I'm stupid. You're smart. I was wrong. You were right. You're the best. I'm the worst. You're very good-looking. I'm not attractive.

More Happy Gilmore quotes
Bulletproof picture

Archie Moses: This is a '70s porno. You know how I can tell? Because the guy's dick has sideburns.

More Bulletproof quotes
Freeway picture

Vanessa: Ho-ly shit! Well look who got beaten with the ugly stick. Bob, is that you? My God, I can't believe such an itty bitty gun could make such a big mess out of someone! You are so ugly Bob! Oh and hey I heard you have one of those poop bags where the shit comes out the side, you're just a big old shitbag aren't you Bob! I hope you think of me every time you shit in that thing, motherfucker!

More Freeway quotes
Down Periscope picture

Pascal: Buckman! There was a fingernail in my food, you fat-ass moron! Yesterday, it was a band-aid!
Buckman: I'm sorry, sir. The band-aid was holding the fingernail on.

Bishop73

More Down Periscope quotes
Kingpin picture

Roy: Hey, Herbie! How's life?
Scranton Wino: Taking forever.

More Kingpin quotes
Swingers picture

Trent: I don't want you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie everyone's *really* hoping makes it happen. I want you to be like the guy in the rated R movie, you know, the guy you're not sure whether or not you like yet. You're not sure where he's coming from. Okay? You're a bad man.

More Swingers quotes
Michael picture

Michael: You know, I invented marriage.
Pansy Milbank: Oh really?
Michael: Yep. All these people were milling around, trying to get together, everything was in chaos so I told 'em, "Have a ceremony."

More Michael quotes
Tin Cup picture

Romeo Posar: Now THAT was a defining moment. And the definition was "shit."

More Tin Cup quotes
Dunston Checks In picture

Kyle: Dad! There's a gorilla in the bathroom.
Robert: Kyle, there is no gorilla in the bathroom.
Kyle: But, Dad.
Robert: Go back to sleep.

More Dunston Checks In quotes
Harriet the Spy picture

Sport: You can't be my friend if you're not my friend.

More Harriet the Spy quotes
The Mirror Has Two Faces picture

Rose Morgan: I don't feel anything, isn't that great! I never thought about how I would feel, I only ever thought about you. I only wanted to make you happy, I never thought I was good enough for you.
Alex: Oh but you are good enough for me, Rose, you are.
Rose Morgan: I know, I know, but Alex, you're not good enough for me.

More The Mirror Has Two Faces quotes
A Thin Line Between Love and Hate picture

Ma Wright: I know you didn't touch her, baby. I raised you better than that. The Lord must've been watching out over your stupid ass.
Darnell 'Deeny: Hey, I cut her off. She was into some crazy shit, mama. She was wild - buck wild.

More A Thin Line Between Love and Hate quotes
D3: The Mighty Ducks picture

Mrs. Madigan: Every Monday, you will have a practice quiz. Every Wednesday, you will have a real quiz. Every Friday, you will have an exam. And any time I feel like it, you will have a surprise quiz or exam.

More D3: The Mighty Ducks quotes
Don't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood picture

Loc Dog: Well, I can see how a pretty little woman like yourself can make a man a little sick - I mean, nervous.

More Don't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood quotes
One Fine Day picture

Oribe's Receptionist: Don't bother with the cute face. I have 5 sons. You make eyes at me like that, I make you pot roast.

More One Fine Day quotes
The Birdcage picture

Albert: Don't give me that tone!
Armand: What tone?
Albert: That sarcastic contemptuous tone that means you know everything because you're a man, and I know nothing because I'm a woman.
Armand: You're not a woman.
Albert: Oh, you bastard!

More The Birdcage quotes
Homeward Bound II: Lost in San Francisco picture

Chance: Jamie? Is that you? Wait, what am I talking about? Of course, it's you! It's really you! I found you! I found my boy! I found my Jamie! Oh, I'm so happy! Oh, I could just lick you for days! Give me a hug.

More Homeward Bound II: Lost in San Francisco quotes

Join the mailing list

Separate from membership, this is to get updates about mistakes in recent releases. Addresses are not passed on to any third party, and are used solely for direct communication from this site. You can unsubscribe at any time.

Check out the mistake & trivia books, on Kindle and in paperback.