Best comedy movie quotes of 1996

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Movie Quote Quiz
Happy Gilmore picture

Happy Gilmore: I'm stupid. You're smart. I was wrong. You were right. You're the best. I'm the worst. You're very good-looking. I'm not attractive.

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Space Jam picture

Stan Podalak: Let me help! Let me help! I can help! I can help!
Michael Jordan: What can you do?
Stan Podalak: Well, I may not be very tall, but... I'm slow.
Sylvester: And large.
Daffy Duck: And a dork.

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Freeway picture

Vanessa: Ho-ly shit! Well look who got beaten with the ugly stick. Bob, is that you? My God, I can't believe such an itty bitty gun could make such a big mess out of someone! You are so ugly Bob! Oh and hey I heard you have one of those poop bags where the shit comes out the side, you're just a big old shitbag aren't you Bob! I hope you think of me every time you shit in that thing, motherfucker!

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Bulletproof picture

Archie Moses: This is a '70s porno. You know how I can tell? Because the guy's dick has sideburns.

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Tin Cup picture

Romeo Posar: Now THAT was a defining moment. And the definition was "shit."

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The Cable Guy picture

Sam Sweet: [911 call being played.] Oh my God! Oh my God! My twin brother has been shot! I think it was an Asian gang or something... There was this guy, he looked Asian... And he was speaking another language, I'm pretty sure it was... Asian.

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Down Periscope picture

Pascal: Jesus, Buckman! This stuff has been on the Stingray since Korea! This can expired in 1966!
Buckman: What's the matter, sir? It still tastes like cream corn.
Pascal: Except it's deviled ham.

Bishop73
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Tremors 2 picture

Kate Reilly: Who named them graboids anyway?
Earl Bassett: A friend of ours, Walter Chang, he named them. Then they ate him.

Kyle G.
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Dunston Checks In picture

Kyle: Dad! There's a gorilla in the bathroom.
Robert: Kyle, there is no gorilla in the bathroom.
Kyle: But, Dad.
Robert: Go back to sleep.

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Swingers picture

Trent: I don't want you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie everyone's *really* hoping makes it happen. I want you to be like the guy in the rated R movie, you know, the guy you're not sure whether or not you like yet. You're not sure where he's coming from. Okay? You're a bad man.

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A Thin Line Between Love and Hate picture

Brandi Web: You know, a man just comes along and he buys us off a shelf. Then he plays. Plays with us until he thinks we're no longer fun. Or until he gets us all dirty, right? Then he just wants to throw us away.

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Eddie Izzard: Definite Article picture

Eddie: Cos people think I'm on drugs and I'm not. I'm really quite... Just a bit of coffee. When I take drugs I start going, "Oh, would you like insurance?"

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Beautiful Thing picture

Sandra: Where are you going?
Jamie: Out with my mates.
Sandra: Jamie... you ain't got any mates.

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Beavis and Butthead Do America picture

Beavis: This sucks. It's all hot and stuff.
Butt-head: This desert is stupid. They need to put a drinking fountain out here.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah. Or, like a 7-Eleven or something.

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Bordello of Blood picture

Rafe Guttman: Sorry Katherine, but that wasn't your brother anymore.
Caleb: Wrong! I'll always be your brother, sis.
Rafe Guttman: Katherine, run from your brother.

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First Wives Club picture

Elise: I'm not Monique's Mother.
Maurice: No.
Elise: Angela Lansbury's Monique's Mother.
Maurice: Uh-huh.
Elise: Shelley Winters is Unique's mother.
Maurice: Now that's a good one.
Elise: Sean Connery is Monique's mother.
Maurice: And I'm going to get you some coffee.

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The Frighteners picture

Patricia Ann Bradley: Patronising do-gooder bitch.
Johnny Charles Bartlett: Oh Patricia, you kill her, I'll watch.

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High School High picture

Richard Clark: Why are you late?
Natalie: Because the bell rang before I got here.

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Jerry Maguire picture

Jerry Maguire: The fuckin zoo is closed, Ray.
Ray: You said fuck.
Jerry Maguire: Uh... yeah... I.
Ray: Don't worry. I won't tell.

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Jingle All the Way picture

Ted Maltin: I've got a Turbo Man for Johnny months ago. It's nestled safely under our tree.

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