Grace Winterbourne: How did I ever raise such a snob?
Bill Winterbourne: It's a mystery Mother... let's ask the servants.
Alexia: Today is definitely day one.
Hayley: Day one of what?
Alexia: My diet. Oh, excuse me. I mean your diet. A fruit and veggie fast. You're bloated.
Hayley: What are you talking about? I'm a knockout. Make-up may be a bit heavy. Not me.
Abby: We can love our pets, we just can't love our pets.
Dammers: Sheriff! You are violating my territorial bubble.
Ralph Roach: We know where you live. We live where you live.
Ron Albertson: If there's an empty space, just fill it with a line, that's what I like to do. Even if it's from another show.
Mitchell Kane: Are you happy with your deal with Sultan?
Johnny Winsor: Happy? I'd sooner be turked by a syphilitic bear.
Mitchell Kane: T-turked? Turked? What is turked?
Johnny Winsor: Rectally relieved.
Chance: Jamie? Is that you? Wait, what am I talking about? Of course, it's you! It's really you! I found you! I found my boy! I found my Jamie! Oh, I'm so happy! Oh, I could just lick you for days! Give me a hug.
Bill Clinton: In recognition of your great service, I'm appointing you honorary agents in the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms.
Butt-head: Whoa. Alcohol and tobacco?
Beavis: Yeah. And firearms! Yeah.
Bill Clinton: Cool, huh?
Butt-head: Cigarettes and beer kick ass.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah. We're in the bureau of beer and fire and cigarettes. And maybe some chicks, too.
Eddie: Cos people think I'm on drugs and I'm not. I'm really quite... Just a bit of coffee. When I take drugs I start going, "Oh, would you like insurance?"
Sgt. Bilko: It's the odometer Wally, it says 12,000 miles and it should say 11,000 miles. Tony here drove it to Lake Tahoe over the weekend to go to his grandmother's funeral.
Walter Holbrook: Oh, I'm sorry, Tony.
Sgt. Bilko: When I say "go to his grandmother's funeral", I mean visit his niece. And when I say "niece", I mean lady friend. Look. I'm winking. Look at my eye.
Coleman: Good God! He must be stopped.
General Rancor: Dick Steele couldn't stop me fifteen years ago, and all the Dicks you got won't stop me now.
Coleman: Well, apparently he hasn't, uh, seen the size of some of our newer members.
Rizzo: What's wrong?
Gonzo: It just feels so weird.
Rizzo: You mean that Mr. Arrow's dead?
Gonzo: Yeah, that... And my pants are filled with starfish.
Rizzo: You and your hobbies.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Now I've justified this to myself in all sorts of ways. It wasn't a big deal, just a minor betrayal. Or we'd outgrown each other, you know, that sort of thing. But let's face it, I ripped them off - my so called mates. But Begbie, I couldn't give a shit about him. And Sick Boy, well he'd done the same to me, if he'd only thought of it first. And Spud, well okay, I felt sorry for Spud - he never hurt anybody. So why did I do it? I could offer a million answers - all false. The truth is that I'm a bad person. But, that's gonna change - I'm going to change. This is the last of that sort of thing. Now I'm cleaning up and I'm moving on, going straight and choosing life. I'm looking forward to it already. I'm gonna be just like you. The job, the family, the fucking big television. The washing machine, the car, the compact disc and electric tin opener, good health, low cholesterol, dental insurance, mortgage, starter home, leisure wear, luggage, three piece suite, DIY, game shows, junk food, children, walks in the park, nine to five, good at golf, washing the car, choice of sweaters, family Christmas, indexed pension, tax exemption, clearing gutters, getting by, looking ahead, the day you die.
Shad: You talk to her?
Erin Grant: Darrell's phone's disconnected. I think he moved again.
Shad: You know, I'd embrace the opportunity to maim his white ass up.
Erin Grant: I know you would, and that's really thoughtful, but I don't think it would help my case in court if I had him attacked.
Kate Reilly: Who named them graboids anyway?
Earl Bassett: A friend of ours, Walter Chang, he named them. Then they ate him.
Tails: Sonic! Help me, please! Please, help, Sonic.
Sonic: Grrrr... shut UP, tails.
Giant Santa: I'm gonna deck your halls, bub.
Lenny: "Skitch", how did we get here?
Guy: I led you here, sir, for I am Spartacus.