Taffy Dale: Guess it wasn't the dove.
[Professor Klump struggles to fit into his chair because of his obese size, before finally getting in.]
Dean Richmond: Anything I can get for you? Juice? Coffee? Rack of lamb?
Sgt. Bilko: It's the odometer Wally, it says 12,000 miles and it should say 11,000 miles. Tony here drove it to Lake Tahoe over the weekend to go to his grandmother's funeral.
Walter Holbrook: Oh, I'm sorry, Tony.
Sgt. Bilko: When I say "go to his grandmother's funeral", I mean visit his niece. And when I say "niece", I mean lady friend. Look. I'm winking. Look at my eye.
Tails: Sonic! Help me, please! Please, help, Sonic.
Sonic: Grrrr... shut UP, tails.
Mr. White: You guys look great in gold, have I told you that?
Franklin: Boy you're touchy.
Travis: He's got hemorrhoids, Franklin.
Franklin: You got 'roids?
Dr. Mittenhand: I am like the Wizard of Oz, am I not? Running things from behind a curtain. Only this wizard IS NOT A FAKE.
Jack Tramonte: OK Whitman's records. Lived with his mother until about six months ago. Had one serious relationship with an Inga... Gunther who once tried to assassinate the rock temptress... stevie nicks.
Luvven Coddle: I sense a - a yearning in you - a - a searching - almost - as if you're lost. You've been lost for a long, long time. Am I right?.. You found Jesus, Al.
Al Fountain: Why? Is he missing?
Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: (to a referee while honorary coach) Hey, you with the $1.99 rug on your head! Would you get out of my way, please?
Emma Woodhouse: Thank you for being so thoughtful.
Rev. Elton: No - thank you for thinking I am thoughtful.
Rocky: Tell Anthony I love him.
Freddie: I dream of being in a Las Vegas hotel where all of the towels smell like Downy Fabric Softener.
Cruella De Vil: My faith in your limited intelligence is momentarily restored.
Marie: You don't go to work every day. You go to a bar every day.
Julia Biggs: Your mother would always tell me, "Girl, you need to get some meat on those bones. Henry ain't got nothing to grab on to back there!"
Rev. Henry Biggs: She just wanted you to eat, that's all.
Julia Biggs: No, she probably wanted me to be as fat as her.
Rev. Henry Biggs: She wasn't that fat.
Julia Biggs: Please, if a policeman saw your mama come walking down the street, he'd yell, "break it up!"
Michael: I like it here, it's quiet. Nobody ever bothers a librarian.
Dosmo Pizzo: How did you find me?
Lee Woods: In the phone book under Washout.
Jay Leno: I may look stupid, but I'm Italian. I know how to find information.
Max Connor: I wish I had junk food from here to the sky.
Kazaam: Why not? Higher than high?