Denise Waverly: Maybe I put too much of myself into my songs.
Hank: Most of the time I just keep to myself. I think like what it would be like to be... someone else.
Stanley Stupid: Be on the look out for anything suspicious.
Buster Stupid: Dad, they're putting make-up on men in there.
Stanley Stupid: Bull's eye.
John Henderson: We're in the 90s, mother. It's fancy jam time.
David Leary: I'm very sorry about this, sir, I can assure you it won't happen again. Will it Ben?
Ben: Who can predict the future?
David Leary: I can.
Crow T. Robot: Shall I compare thee to a summers daaaaaaaa.
Sandra gangel: Now you just remember I won a year's supply of toilet freshener for making up that poem. That took brains and artistry, that did.
Bodacious TV Anchor: ...this may be the first time that a serial killer has used poison cereal to kill his victims.
Richard Clark: Victoria, could you give me a ride home? I seem to have misplaced my car.
Victoria Chapell: Oh, don't worry about it. All the teachers loose their car on their first day.
Al: I'm proud of you Joe.
Joe MacGonaughgill: Why?
Al: You finally figured out the girl in your heart isn't the girl in your dreams. Some people don't figure it out all their lives.
Principal McGee: I'm Mr. McGee. I've heard so much about you, Jack.
Jack: Hi, Mr. Magoo.
Principal McGee: McGee.
Jack: McGee.
Principal McGee: Yes.
Jack: Magoo.
Marcee Tidwell: I'm sorry, I'm just a little pregnant here.
Raymond Hurdicure: So I hear dad's dead. Hey, is that egg nog?
Garrett Lawton: I make it a point to know a little bit about everything.
Lee Woods: You have one minute to decide the rest of your life.
Carol: I wish I could be gay again.
Jimmy Flaherty: Prison won't be so bad. I can became a born-again Christian. And that'll be good. Because nobody wants a born-again Christian as their bitch.