Cop #1: Hey, didya see that, uh, Nina Bedford show this morning?
Cop #2: Yeah, that uh... thing about toast-fucking.
Cop #1: ...toast-fucking?
Cop #2: Yeah - it's the new thing where you fuck or get fucked with toast.
Cop #1: No, the... the show this morning was about that new drug.
Cop #2: Oh. Must have been a dream I had.
Raymond Hurdicure: So I hear dad's dead. Hey, is that egg nog?
Raymond Hurdicure: Sorry we're a few hours late, there, Ma, but you know how the kids... uh... hate old people.
Wally's wife: Kids, where's your Father?
Daughter: He's upstairs masturbating to gay porn.
Wally's wife: Again?
Scientist: I've invented a pill that gives worms to ex-girlfriends.
Don: Uh, right, and what's positive about that?
Scientist: Well, it's a pill that gives worms to ex-girlfriends.
Don: Couldn't it also give worms to ex-boyfriends?
Scientist: This is a drug... for the world... to give worms to ex-girlfriends.
Don: Well, great. Thanks for stopping by.
Scientist: You just don't get it here! Huhoooo.