First Wives Club

First Wives Club (1996)

26 quotes

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Elise: And you didn't even invite me to your son's bar mitzvah.
Brenda: I didn't think you would come.
Annie: Yeah, it was in Hebrew.
Brenda: Oh shutup.

Brenda: Those lips - what's in 'em? Are they wax?

Dr. Morris Packman: If I give you one more face lift you're going to be able to blink your lips.

Bill: Nice car, used to have one myself.
Shelly: Thanks. So, what's going on in there? Is it just a lot of battered women dancing around or what?
Bill: Yeah, sort of. Not really my scene.
Shelly: Me neither.
Bill: So, are you here with anybody?
Shelly: Not really.
Bill: How old are you?

Elise: Annie, you choose. Who's your friend? Me or Brenda?
Brenda: Yeah, for once in your life make a decision? Who's your friend? Some Beverly Hills science project?
Elise: Or a woman with her own aisle at the supermarket?

Brenda: Where's Shelly?
Morty: In the car.
Brenda: Glove compartment?
Morty: Trunk.

Elise: I drink because I am a sensitive and highly strung person.
Brenda: No, that's why your co-stars drink.

Elise: If only she'd called me. If only I was listed.

Duarto: Leave me alone. One hour. One hour. One hour, thank you.

Annie: What if Elise starts drinking again and then you start sniping away?
Elise: Been there.
Brenda: Done that.

Brenda: There she is. Princess Pelvis.

Brenda: Wake up and smell the audit.

Elise: It's the 90s, plastic surgery is like good grooming.

Uncle Carmine: Brenda, I speak on behalf of your father, my beloved brother, that Morty is garbage, and it would be an honor to me to take him out.

Brenda: I remember your first talk-y.
Elise: Oh yeah, what did you ever win? A pie eating contest?"Best digestion?"

Elise: I'm unhappy, Maurice.
Maurice: And I'm going to get you that coffee.

Elise: No, Sean Connery is Monique's boyfriend! He may be three hundred years old, but he's still a stud.

Morty: Shelly, what happened here? $140,00 for a plate? $47,000 for a carpet? A used carpet? $300,00 for a Lamborghini? Are you crazy?
Shelly: I bought the car for you! It was only 300 grand! It was a gift.
Morty: With my money you bought it! I bought me the gift.
Shelly: Jesus, Morty, all I want is a lifestyle, y'know - with some ambiance and some classic eternal good taste.

Brenda: So okay, alimony sucks. Okay, you didn't get to play a police woman in a wonder bra. But look at you, you're gorgeous! And thanks to Cher's pioneering efforts you still haven't hit puberty! And once upon a time you were a terrific actress! You've even got an Oscar to prove it! You've spent your whole life with people sucking up to you! I'm sure Annie will agree with me when I say that your perception of life is somewhat altered.

Elise: You've always been jealous of me, even in college! Because I was blonde and beautiful, and could have any guy I wanted.
Brenda: Could and did! All the senior class and half the faculty.
Elise: It was the sixties.

Continuity mistake: When Elisse, Annie and Brenda decide to make their own first wives club, Annie's glass of wine is almost empty, but when they throw their rings in it, it is almost full.

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