First Wives Club

First Wives Club (1996)

26 quotes

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Brenda: Where's Shelly?
Morty: In the car.
Brenda: Glove compartment?
Morty: Trunk.

Elise: I drink because I am a sensitive and highly strung person.
Brenda: No, that's why your co-stars drink.

Elise: If only she'd called me. If only I was listed.

Duarto: Leave me alone. One hour. One hour. One hour, thank you.

Annie: What if Elise starts drinking again and then you start sniping away?
Elise: Been there.
Brenda: Done that.

Brenda: There she is. Princess Pelvis.

Brenda: Wake up and smell the audit.

Elise: It's the 90s, plastic surgery is like good grooming.

Uncle Carmine: Brenda, I speak on behalf of your father, my beloved brother, that Morty is garbage, and it would be an honor to me to take him out.

Brenda: I remember your first talk-y.
Elise: Oh yeah, what did you ever win? A pie eating contest?"Best digestion?"

Elise: I'm unhappy, Maurice.
Maurice: And I'm going to get you that coffee.

Elise: No, Sean Connery is Monique's boyfriend! He may be three hundred years old, but he's still a stud.

Morty: Shelly, what happened here? $140,00 for a plate? $47,000 for a carpet? A used carpet? $300,00 for a Lamborghini? Are you crazy?
Shelly: I bought the car for you! It was only 300 grand! It was a gift.
Morty: With my money you bought it! I bought me the gift.
Shelly: Jesus, Morty, all I want is a lifestyle, y'know - with some ambiance and some classic eternal good taste.

Brenda: So okay, alimony sucks. Okay, you didn't get to play a police woman in a wonder bra. But look at you, you're gorgeous! And thanks to Cher's pioneering efforts you still haven't hit puberty! And once upon a time you were a terrific actress! You've even got an Oscar to prove it! You've spent your whole life with people sucking up to you! I'm sure Annie will agree with me when I say that your perception of life is somewhat altered.

Elise: You've always been jealous of me, even in college! Because I was blonde and beautiful, and could have any guy I wanted.
Brenda: Could and did! All the senior class and half the faculty.
Elise: It was the sixties.

Brenda: My Morty becomes this big shot on T.V... He was selling electronics, right? On our 20th wedding anniversary it hits midlife crisis major. He starts working out, he, he grows a moustache, he gets an earring. I said, "Morty, Morty, what are you? A pirate? what's next? A parrot?" And all of a sudden I'm a big drag. I'm holding him back because I won't go rollerblading.

Ivana Trump: Ladies, you have to be strong and independent, and remember, don't get mad, get everything.

Annie: Let's synchronize our watches.
Brenda: Ooo, just like "Mission: Impossible!"
Elise: Oh, that was a big hit.

Elise: There are only three ages for women in Hollywood - Babe, District Attorney, and Driving Miss Daisy.

Aaron Paradis: I can't handle more surprises today.
Chris Paradis: Oh, Daddy. I'm a lesbian. A big one.

Continuity mistake: Near the end of the film, as Bette Midler, Diane Keaton and Goldie Hawn sing the song "You Don't Own Me," watch Goldie's shoes. For the first portion of the song, which takes place inside, she is wearing spiked-heel shoes with multiple straps. Then, as they dance through the doors onto the street, she is wearing shoes with a single strap and a much thicker heel.

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