Bill Clinton: In recognition of your great service, I'm appointing you honorary agents in the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms.
Butt-head: Whoa. Alcohol and tobacco?
Beavis: Yeah. And firearms! Yeah.
Bill Clinton: Cool, huh?
Butt-head: Cigarettes and beer kick ass.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah. We're in the bureau of beer and fire and cigarettes. And maybe some chicks, too.
Agent Flemming: Well, I'll be a monkey's bare-assed uncle.
Tom Anderson: Boy, I tell you what, it really makes ya proud. I could stay in here all day.
FBI Agent: Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
Butt-head: Whoa, cool. Hey, can I have a gun, too?
Beavis: Hey, Butt-head, this book kicks ass. There's this talking snake, and a naked chick, and then this dude puts a leaf on his schlong.
Butt-head: This is gonna be cool. We're gonna get paid to score.
Beavis: Yeah. Then we're gonna get a big-screen TV, with two remotes.
Butt-head: Beavis, this is the greatest day of our lives.
Beavis: You must bow down to the almighty bunghole.
Tom Anderson: Boy, I never seen two kids do so much damned whacking.
Butt-head's Dad: Hey, one of you bastards got a match?
Butt-head: Uh, yeah. My butt and your, uh, butt. Uh huh huh.
Muddy Grimmes: You got any last words before I kill you?
Butt-head: I have a couple. Butt cheeks.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah. And, uh, and boobs. I just wanna say that again. Boobs.
Muddy Grimmes: I'm gonna blow you both to hell, that's what I'm gonna do.
Beavis: Something's wrong with my butt.
Butt-head: Your butt sucks.