Robert Grant: You got to get out of here. Mrs. Dubrow hates kids. She once kicked Big Bird in the nuts.
Kyle: Dad! There's a gorilla in the bathroom.
Robert: Kyle, there is no gorilla in the bathroom.
Kyle: But, Dad.
Robert: Go back to sleep.
Lord Rutledge: From the look of my soup I'd say someone in your kitchen has a serious hair loss problem.
Lord Rutledge: Where do you keep your champagne? Near the furnace?