Best comedy movie quotes of 1997
Please vote as you browse around to help the best rise to the top.Movie Quote Quiz
Melvin Udall: I've got a really great compliment for you, and it's true.
Carol Connelly: I'm so afraid you're about to say something awful.
Melvin Udall: Don't be pessimistic, it's not your style. Okay, here I go: Clearly, a mistake. I've got this, what - ailment? My doctor, a shrink that I used to go to all the time, he says that in fifty or sixty percent of the cases, a pill really helps. I *hate* pills, very dangerous thing, pills. Hate. I'm using the word "hate" here, about pills. Hate. My compliment is, that night when you came over and told me that you would never... All right, well, you were there, you know what you said. Well, my compliment to you is, the next morning, I started taking the pills.
Carol Connelly: I don't quite get how that's a compliment for me.
Melvin Udall: You make me want to be a better man.
Carol Connelly: ...That's maybe the best compliment of my life.
Melvin Udall: Well, maybe I overshot a little, because I was aiming at just enough to keep you from walking out.
Judge Stevens: Are we ready to begin?
Dana: We are ready, your honor.
Fletcher: No, your honor. We are not ready to begin because my client has not arrived.
[The courtroom doors open and Samantha walks in with her children and nanny.]
Samantha: You keep those kids quiet, Lupe. I am not even close to kidding.
Fletcher: [Singing] Here she comes to wreck the day!
Judge Stevens: Mr. Reede!
Fletcher: Sorry, your honor.
Dr. Evil: Very well, where should I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims, like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. A sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical; summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. If I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard, really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fifteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shawn scrotum. At the age of eighteen, I went off to evil medical school. From there.
Large cop: If you were half the man I am... [Jay looks pointedly at policeman's stomach] I am half the man you are!
Vincent: You don't know where you are, you don't know who I am, and you're cuffed to my bathroom pipe. Honey, don't do me like that.
Coach Willy Barker: All right, Squirrels! Listen up here now. Okay, Rutland may have us in height and reach... weight and power... agility, speed and talent... They have the advantage on offense... and defense... Sure they are better coached... Better trained... And their will to win is unmatched in the conference... They are undefeated in the last 108 games. But that doesn't mean we can't whip these guys, right?
Cousin Eddie: That's it Clark... show him who's boss. It's people like you who come here and blow the family nest egg that built this town... not this pretty boy.
T. Paul: Hey, is this your wife? Damn! I see why you were upset! Not bad Nick, not bad, Nick! You know, for a cheatin' bitch.
Nick Beam: Hey! Don't you call her that, you don't know her, don't say that.
T. Paul: Okay, okay, no disrespect. What should I call her?"Monogamously challenged"?