Mavis LaBreche: I need a crap and a nap and I don't need an audience!"
Capt. Wallace B. Binghampton: Did we wake you up?
Willie: No sir, we've been up since the crack of noon.
Dave the Lighting Guy: Say, have you seen that movie Clash of the Titans?
Joe Young: Oh yeah, the greek mythology.
Dave the Lighting Guy: Hey, I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothin', but I think unicorns are kick ass.
Willa Weston: What are you doing?
Vince McCain: I'm freezing him.
Willa Weston: Why?
Vince McCain: He's gotta be cryogenically frozen until they find a cure.
Willa Weston: Yeah, a cure? Vince, he has a bullet in the brain.
Vince McCain: Well, get more ice.
Willa Weston: Vince, there is no cure for a bullet in the brain. It is very fatal.
Gordon Szalinski: You are dead meat, mister.
Wayne Szalinski: Gordon, you're three-quarters of an inch tall, now's not the time.
Horse: No-one said anything to me about the full monty.
Alyssa: Can men fuck each other?
Banky Edwards: Are you asking for my permission?
Seth Warner: I am not crazy. I know the difference between bad luck and divine inspiration.
Fan 1: What about last season?
Fan 2: What about it?
Fan 1: They were rubbish. They were fucking rubbish.
Fan 2: They weren't that bad.
Fan 1: They were fucking rubbish last year. And they were fucking rubbish the year before. And I don't care if they are top of the League, they'll be fucking rubbish this year, too. And next year. And the year after that. I'm not joking.
Fan 2: I don't know why you come, Frank. Honest I don't.
Fan 1: Well, you live in hope, don't you?
Lorelei 'Lori': Are you going to bring me that martini, or do I have to suck it out of the glass from here?
Ernie: He's Hitler with a tail. He's "The Omen" with whiskers. Even Nostradamus didn't see him coming.
Julianne Potter: What I mean, when I say annoyingly perfect, is that there is nothing annoying about her perfection. It's vulnerable and endearing... and that is annoying as shit.
George Downes: Ahh... you like her.
Julianne Potter: If I didn't have to hate her, I'd adore her.
T. Paul: That mask sweaty?
Nick Beam: I think that's the one.
T. Paul: I hid it behind my balls. Ha ha.
Martin Barnfield: We're cooking here. This is a stew, a gumbo, a jambalaya, if you will. We're just jamming.
Agnes Stouffer: If you boys have been throwing any more firecrackers in my pool again, I'm gonna beat your butts until your nose bleeds.
Raif Bentley: You know, I'm not a violent man but I really do think I'm going to have to kill someone here.
Ernie: I think we better pull over, 'cause we need some gas soon.
Tommy Spinelli: Keep fucking driving.
Fern: Didn't I tell you to watch your fucking language?