Ernie: He's Hitler with a tail. He's "The Omen" with whiskers. Even Nostradamus didn't see him coming.
Lars: Look! You blew a hole in the floor.
Ernie: And I distinctly remember somebody yelling, "Shoot! Shoot!"
Lars: Yeah, well you never listened to me before.
Lars: Some things are more important than money, Ernie.
Ernie: Notice it's always the financially challenged who say that?
Ernie: Shh! He's goin' for the cherries.
Lars: I thought you said mice like Gouda.
Ernie: Not in the morning! Cheese tires them out. They need fruit for energy.
Ernie: I'm gonna build an Olympic-sized swimming pool and fill it with pina coladas and a college sorority.
Lars: You used to love string.
April Smuntz: That was before, when I was dating the son of wealthy string magnate! Not now when I am married to the half owner of a worthless deathtrap.
Ernie: Just think of all the trouble we could have saved ourselves if we just threw fruit at him in the first place.
Ingrid: Hilde, the spool is smoking.
Alexander: There's a lot of Eurotrash out there scarfin' up the shrimps.
Ernie: I don't think we're dealing with an ordinary mouse.
Lars: We made love in a way I've-I've only ever seen in nature films.