There's Something About Mary

Ted: I couldn't believe that she knew my name. Some of my best friends didn't know my name.

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Pat Healy: My real passion is my hobby.
Mary: Really, what's that?
Pat Healy: I work with retards.
Mary: Isn't that a little, uhm, politically incorrect?
Pat Healy: Well, heh, to hell with that... No one's going to tell me who I can and can't work with, right?

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Ted: I think I still want to look her up.
Pat Healy: Who, rollerpig? Are you nuts?
Ted: You said she was a real sparkplug.
Pat Healy: No, I said buttplug. She's heinous.

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Mary's Step-Father: Boy, don't make me open up a can of whoop-ass!

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Dom: Have you ever had a whitehead on your eyeball, Mary?

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Paramedic: We got a bleeder!

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Mary: Is that... Is that hair gel?

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Mary: Hey, you want to go upstairs and watch SportsCenter?
Ted: No, I think I'm just going to quit while I'm ahead.
Mary: You're not that far ahead, Ted.

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Mary's Step-Father: Oh man! How'd you get the beans above the frank?

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Warren: Have you seen my baseball?

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Pat Healy: What, you think yer shit don't stink?
Ted: No, I don't think, I mean, yes it does, no I don't.

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Dom: Here you've been in therapy, you know, thinking you blew it with the greatest girl ever, and really it turns out that getting your dick stuck in your zipper was the best thing that ever happened to you.

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Ted: I say they should put more meats on a stick, you know? They got a lot of sweets on sticks-popsicles, fudgesicles, lollipops - but hardly any meat.
Mary: I agree there should be more.
Ted: You know what I'd like to see? Meat in a cone. You could put corned beef hash in a cone, or chopped liver.

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Mary: You've been to Nepal?
Pat Healy: Not in months, I don't know why I bought the damn place.

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