Best comedy movie quotes of 2003

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl picture

Jack Sparrow: Who makes all these?
Will Turner: I do. And I practice with them... Three hours a day.
Jack Sparrow: You need to get yourself a girl, mate. Or perhaps the reason you practice three hours a day is that you've already found one and are otherwise incapable of wooing said strumpet. You're not a eunuch, are you?

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Bad Boys II picture

Marcus Burnett: You a virgin?
Reggie: Yes, sir.
Marcus Burnett: Good. Keep it that way. Ain't gonna be no fucking tonight.
Mike Lowrey: You ever made love to a man?
Reggie: No.
Mike Lowrey: You want to?

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Love Actually picture

Natalie: Hello, David. I mean "sir." Shit, I can't believe I've just said that. Oh, and now I've gone and said "shit" - twice. I'm so sorry, sir.
Prime Minister: It's fine, it's fine. You could've said "fuck", and then we'd have been in real trouble.
Natalie: Thank you, sir. I did have an awful premonition that I was going to fuck up on the first day. Oh, piss it!

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4

Elf (2003)

Elf picture

Buddy: You sit on a throne of lies!

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The Cat in the Hat picture

Cat in the Hat: Don't worry, I have three plans. Plan A: Mess up a perfectly clean house. Done that! Plan B: Cut your losses and ditch the kids. That could work.
Sally: What about that one?
Cat in the Hat: Plan C: Trick Mom's boyfriend into handing over dog and lock. I don't know. I still like Plan B.

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Scary Movie 3 picture

George: Sue's teacher, Brenda. She's... She's dead.
Tom: Oh. I better tell her.
George: No, no, no. I can do it. Sue?
Sue: Yes?
George: You know your teacher, Miss Brenda?
Sue: Yeah.
George: She's dead!
Sue: Aah!
George: Gone forever! Died a horrible, painful death! Gone, gone, gone, just like your dog!
Sue: My dog's dead?
George: I just ran him over with the car when I drove in! Everyone you love around you is dying!

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Finding Nemo picture

Gurgle: Oh, the human mouth is a disgusting place.

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National Security picture

Hank Rafferty: Look! I am trying to remain calm... Because I know that if I hit you, I will never see the light of day again. Which right now seems almost worth it. SO DON'T PUSH IT!
Earl Montgomery: You threatening me?
Hank Rafferty: Yeah! Yeah, I'm threatening ya!

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School of Rock picture

Dewey: Billy what makes you angrier than anything in the world?
Billy: You.
Dewey: Billy, we've already told me off, now let's move on.
Billy: You're tacky and I hate you.
Dewey: Ok, you see me after class!

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Cheaper by the Dozen picture

Kate Baker: He is not a doorknob!
Jake Baker: The man irons his jeans, Mom.
Kate Baker: Yeah, that's weird.

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American Wedding picture

Stifler: Well polish my nuts and serve me a milkshake.

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Head of State picture

Mays: Yo, Lewis. Your mother's ass is so big, when she sits down she's three feet taller. Yo, Lewis. Your mother got a really big ass.
Advisor: Sir, I think it's time we prepare for a debate.
Senator Lewis: Give me one good reason to debate that jerk.
Advisor: He talked about your mother, sir.
Senator Lewis: So what?
[Senator Lewis' mother walks up to him and slaps him in the face.]
Mother: Are you just going to let him talk about me like that?

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Bruce Almighty picture

Bruce: God, why do you hate me?

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Johnny English picture

Johnny English: All right, so I was wrong about the Archbishop's bottom.

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Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd picture

Jessica's Father: Oh my God. He shit everywhere. There's shit everywhere! Damn it! There's shit on the windows! Oh my God! My house is full of shit! He shit everywhere! Look what he did, he shit all over the wall!

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Looney Tunes: Back in Action picture

DJ Drake: Have you seen those "Mummy" movies? I'm in them more than Brendan Fraser is!

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Intolerable Cruelty picture

Rex: My wife has me between a rock and a hard place.
Miles Massey: That's her job. You should respect that.

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Bad Santa picture

Willie: I'm an eating, drinking, shitting, fucking Santa Claus.

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19

Holes (2003)

Holes picture

Mr. Sir: There ain't nothing down there. We woulda found it by now.
Mr. Pendanski: I wouldn't tell the queen bee that.
Mr. Sir: I ain't on stupid pills!

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Macca

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