Mrs. Connelly: Tell me about yourselves. What do you do Alan?
Alex Rose: Uh, it's Alex.
Nancy Kendricks: Alex is a writer.
Mrs. Connelly: Oh, a writer. I always thought of that as more of a hobby than a real job. I suppose I'm forgetting about Joyce.
Alex Rose: Joyce. James Joyce. Of course. Wonderful writer.
Mrs. Connelly: He died drunk and penniless.
Colonel Blount: Don't think me discourteous, but I'm afraid it's impossible for me to ask you to luncheon. I have a guest coming on intimate family business. It's some young rascal who wants to marry my daughter.
Adam Fenwick-Symes: Well, I want to marry your daughter too.
Colonel Blount: What an extraordinary thing. Are you sure?
Evelyn: I think everyone should see themselves doing it and their friends should see it too.
Phil Kaufman: What the hell are you doing?
Larry Oster-Berg: The steering lock is on.
Phil Kaufman: Well, turn it off.
Larry Oster-Berg: I can't. He's got the key.
Phil Kaufman: So we can escape, but we can only drive in a circle.
Larry Oster-Berg: Yes.
DJ Drake: Have you seen those "Mummy" movies? I'm in them more than Brendan Fraser is!
Bootsie Carp: You've never fooled me! You're nothing but trash washed over the Canadian border.
Katherine Watson: You can confirm to what other people expect of you, or.
Betty Warren: I know. Be ourselves.
Harrison: I'll fuckin' finish you off faster than a fuckin' birthday cake at a fat chick's fuckin' birthday party.
Twitty: Okay, I'll tell you guys again: I've never met the Stevens family, okay? My name is Lawrence Honeytoast, I'm a marine biologist, and I'm here on top-secret government business.
Natalie: I thought shit like that only happened in the movies.
Mrs. Carver: So, what are your plans for after the wedding?
Mordechai Jefferson Carver: Kill you.
Zero: No smoking, no drinking? What kind of country is this?
Roxy: You shouldn't accept expensive gifts from a man.
Isabel: Why?
Roxy: Because it puts you in a position of having to do what he wants.
Isabel: I'd do it anyway.
Joe Oramas: Hey, man, let me ask you a personal question. You've had sex before, right?
Finbar McBride: Yes.
Joe Oramas: With a regular sized chick?
Finbar McBride: With a regular sized chick.
Rémy: I wish that one day you will have a son like you.
Howard Phillips: God damn you.
Herbert West: Religion has nothing to do with this.
Professor Harold Hill: You pile up enough tomorrows, and you'll find you've collected a lot of empty yesterdays.
Elizabeth: Even the worst people can be nice to their friends, Jane.
Jack Fate: All of us in some way are trying to kill time. When it's all said and done, time ends up killing us.