Best comedy movie quotes of all time

Natalie: Hello, David. I mean "sir." Shit, I can't believe I've just said that. Oh, and now I've gone and said "shit" - twice. I'm so sorry, sir.
Prime Minister: It's fine, it's fine. You could've said "fuck", and then we'd have been in real trouble.
Natalie: Thank you, sir. I did have an awful premonition that I was going to fuck up on the first day. Oh, piss it!

Bridget: Wait a minute... Nice boys don't kiss like that.
Mark Darcy: Oh, yes, they fucking do.

Kirk Lazarus: Same thing happened to me when I played Neil Armstrong in Moonshot. They found me in an alley in Burbank trying to re-enter the earth's atmosphere in an old refrigerator box.

Jefe: I have put many beautiful pinatas in the storeroom, each of them filled with little suprises.
El Guapo: Many pinatas?
Jefe: Oh yes, many!
El Guapo: Would you say I have a plethora of pinatas?
Jefe: A what?
El Guapo: A *plethora*.
Jefe: Oh yes, you have a plethora.
El Guapo: Jefe, what is a plethora?
Jefe: Why, El Guapo?
El Guapo: Well, you told me I have a plethora. And I just would like to know if you know what a plethora is. I would not like to think that a person would tell someone he has a plethora, and then find out that that person has *no idea* what it means to have a plethora.
Jefe: Forgive me, El Guapo. I know that I, Jefe, do not have your superior intellect and education. But could it be that once again, you are angry at something else, and are looking to take it out on me?

Clark: Worse? How could things get any worse? Take a look around you, Ellen. We're at the threshold of Hell.

Chad Danforth: Have you ever seen Michael Crawford on a cereal box?
Troy Bolton: Who's Michael Crawford?
Chad Danforth: Exactly my point! He was the Phantom of the Opera on Broadway. Now, my mom, she's seen that musical 27 times and she put Michael Crawford's picture in our refrigerator. Not on it, in it. So, my point is if you play basketball, you're gonna end up on a cereal box. If you sing in musicals, you're gonna end up in my mom's refrigerator.
Troy Bolton: Why would she put his picture in her refrigerator?
Chad Danforth: One of her crazy diet ideas! Look, I don't have time to understand the female mind, Troy!

Pete: It's four in the fucking morning!
Shaun: It's Saturday!
Pete: No, it's not. It's fucking Sunday. And I've got to go to fucking work in four fucking hours 'cos every other fucker in my fucking department is fucking ill! Now can you see why I'm SO FUCKING ANGRY?!
Ed: Fuck, yeah!

Gunderson: He's all over the place! Nine hundred feet up to 1300 feet. What an asshole!

Donna: I grew up.
Tanya: Well, grow back down then!

Withnail: Are you the farmer?
Marwood: Shut up, I'll deal with this.
Withnail: We've gone on holiday by mistake. We're in this cottage here. Are you the farmer?
Marwood: Stop saying that Withnail, of course he's the fucking farmer!

[Renfield is being seduced by Dracula's brides.]
Renfield: This is wrong. Do you hear me? Wrong. This is...WRONG ME! WRONG ME! WRONG MY BRAINS OUT!

Michael Bryce: This guy single-handedly ruined the word motherfucker.

Commissioner Brumford: [On phone.] Hello? He did what? How many animals escaped? Oh, my god.
Frank: Hello, Commissioner. You're looking lovely this evening.
Commissioner Brumford: Do you realize that because of you this city is being overrun by baboons?
Frank: Well, isn't that the fault of the voters?

Stan Podalak: Let me help! Let me help! I can help! I can help!
Michael Jordan: What can you do?
Stan Podalak: Well, I may not be very tall, but... I'm slow.
Sylvester: And large.
Daffy Duck: And a dork.

Nick Parker: You two help Meredith.
Meredith Blake: Sure you'll help me. Right over a cliff, you'll help me.
Hallie Parker: Not a bad idea.
Annie James: Yeah, see any cliffs?

Elwood: It's 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses.
Jake: Hit it.

Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Fletcher Reede: It depends on how long you were following me!
Cop: Why don't we just start from the top?
Fletcher Reede: Here it goes. I sped, I followed too closely, I ran a stop sign, I almost hit a Chevy, I sped some more, I failed to yield at a crosswalk, I changed lanes at an intersection, I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and SPEEDING!
Cop: Is that all?
Fletcher Reede: [Forced.] No. I have unpaid parking tickets.

Freddie Shapp: You're on the 2 AM to 5 AM slot.
Ron Burgundy: What? That's the graveyard shift!
Brick Tamland: I ain't afraid of no ghost!

Henry: I saw her ankles.
Captain Jack Sparrow: You would've seen a lot more if you kept your cakehole shut.

Hitch: I just know that I want to be... Miserable. Like, *really* miserable. But hey, if that's what it takes for me to be happy, then... Wait, that didn't come out right.