Best comedy movie quotes of all time

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Movie Quote Quiz
Mean Girls picture

Regina: I know she's kind of socially retarded and weird, but she's my friend... So, just promise me you won't make fun of her! (00:01:00)

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Back to the Future Part III picture

Doc: Marty, the idea that I could fall in love at first sight! It's romantic nonsense. There's no scientific rationale for it.
Marty: Come on, Doc. It's not science. You meet the right girl it just hits you. It's like lightning.
Doc: Marty, please don't say that.

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Matilda picture

Agatha Trunchbull: You wanted cake, you got cake! Now EAT IT.

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Tropic Thunder picture

Alpa Chino: Man I'm tired of this Koala hugging Nig...
Kirk Lazarus: [Punches Alpa.] For 400 years, that word has kept us down.
Alpa Chino: What the... ?
Kirk Lazarus: It took a whole lot of trying, just to get up that hill, now... We're in the big leagues, getting our turn to bat, as long as we live, It's you and me baby, there ain't nothi...
Alpa Chino: Man, that's the theme song to The Jeffersons, man you really need help!
Kirk Lazarus: Hey, just 'cause it's a theme song don't make it not true.

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Krampus picture

Omi: It started with the wind, on a cold night, much like this. It was almost Christmas, but this Christmas was darker, less cheerful. But I still believed in Santa, in magic and miracles, and the hope that we could find joy again. But our village had given up on miracles, and on each other. They had forgotten the spirit of Christmas, the sacrifice of giving, and my family was no different. I tried to help them to believe again, but we were no longer the loving family I remembered. They too had given up. And eventually, so did I. And for the first time, I didn't wish for a miracle. I wished for them to go away. A wish I would come to regret. And that night, in the darkness of a howling blizzard... I got my wish. I knew Saint Nicholas was not coming this year. Instead, it was a much darker, more ancient spirit. The shadow of Saint Nicholas. It was... Krampus. And as he had for thousands of years, Krampus came not to reward, but to punish, not to give, but to take. He, and his helpers. I could only listen as they dragged my family into the underworld, knowing that I would be next. But Krampus did not take me that night. He left me, as a reminder of what happens when hope is lost, when belief is forgotten, and the Christmas spirit...dies.

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Airplane II: The Sequel picture

Clerk: Do you swear on the Constitution of the United States to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
Jive Man: Ain't no thing.
Defense Attorney: Would you describe, in your own words, what happened that night?
Jive Man: Check it, bleed. Bro was on! Didn't trip. But the folks was freakin', man. Hey, and the pilots were laid to the bones, Homes. So Blood hammered out and jammed jet ship. Tightened that bad sucker inside the runway like a mother. Shit.

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A Million Ways to Die in the West picture

Anna: You're a good sheep farmer!
Albert: Oh my god, please! I suck at sheep. Louise was right, I can't keep track of them. There was a sheep in the whorehouse the last week.
Anna: Really?
Albert: Yeah. Wandered in there, and then when I went to pick it up, somehow it had made 20 dollars.

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Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End picture

Jack Sparrow: I have no sympathy for any of you feculent maggots and no more patience to pretend otherwise. Gentlemen, I wash my hand of this weirdness.

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The Princess Diaries picture

Joe: No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

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Back to the Future picture

Marty McFly: Calvin? Why do you keep calling me Calvin?
Lorraine Baines: Well, that is your name, isn't it? Calvin Klein? It's written all over your underwear.

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Love Actually picture

Natalie: Hello, David. I mean "sir." Shit, I can't believe I've just said that. Oh, and now I've gone and said "shit" - twice. I'm so sorry, sir.
Prime Minister: It's fine, it's fine. You could've said "fuck", and then we'd have been in real trouble.
Natalie: Thank you, sir. I did have an awful premonition that I was going to fuck up on the first day. Oh, piss it!

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Airplane picture

Gunderson: He's all over the place! Nine hundred feet up to 1300 feet. What an asshole!

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Easy A picture

Olive Penderghast: Whatever happened to chivalry? Does it only exist in 80's movies? I want John Cusack holding a boombox outside my window. I wanna ride off on a lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey. I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me. I want Judd Nelson thrusting his fist into the air because he knows he got me. Just once I want my life to be like an 80's movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason. But no, no, John Hughes did not direct my life.

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Overboard picture

Annie: Oh, and give my regards to Schwartzman and Heineken.

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A Rainy Day in New York picture

Terry: Time flies.
Gatsby Welles: Yes, unfortunately, it flies coach.
Terry: What's that supposed to mean?
Gatsby Welles: It's not always a comfortable trip.

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The Hitman's Bodyguard picture

Michael Bryce: This guy single-handedly ruined the word motherfucker.

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Whiskey Tango Foxtrot picture

Kim Baker: I'm wondering if you can give me something... On background, just about the security situation here and the state of the war in general.
General Hollanek: Yeah, I can give you something... This war's like fucking a gorilla, you keep on going until the gorilla wants to stop.
Kim Baker: I think I can paraphrase that.
General Hollanek: Knock yourself out.

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Mrs. Doubtfire picture

Mrs. Doubtfire: I hope you don't mind me being a tad rude, but... How was he? You know, on a scale of 1 to 10?
Miranda: Well, that part was always... Okay.
Mrs. Doubtfire: Just okay? Well, he was probably a Casanova compared to poor old Winston.
Miranda: What was the matter with Winston?
Mrs. Doubtfire: Oh dear, Winston's idea of foreplay was "Effie, brace yourself."

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