Best comedy movie quotes of 2015

Susan Cooper: Well, here's to your mom.
Rayna Boyanov: To my mother. And to you.
Susan Cooper: And here's to you. I mean you may never be as wise as an owl but you'll always be a hoot to me! Haha.
Rayna Boyanov: What a stupid fucking retarded toast. You're delightful.
Susan Cooper: As are you.

Darnell Lewis: We do this, we do this hard!
James King: I can get hard.

Sadness: You could get lost in there!
Joy: Think positive!
Sadness: Okay, I'm positive you will get lost in there.

Omi: It started with the wind, on a cold night, much like this. It was almost Christmas, but this Christmas was darker, less cheerful. But I still believed in Santa, in magic and miracles, and the hope that we could find joy again. But our village had given up on miracles, and on each other. They had forgotten the spirit of Christmas, the sacrifice of giving, and my family was no different. I tried to help them to believe again, but we were no longer the loving family I remembered. They too had given up. And eventually, so did I. And for the first time, I didn't wish for a miracle. I wished for them to go away. A wish I would come to regret. And that night, in the darkness of a howling blizzard... I got my wish. I knew Saint Nicholas was not coming this year. Instead, it was a much darker, more ancient spirit. The shadow of Saint Nicholas. It was... Krampus. And as he had for thousands of years, Krampus came not to reward, but to punish, not to give, but to take. He, and his helpers. I could only listen as they dragged my family into the underworld, knowing that I would be next. But Krampus did not take me that night. He left me, as a reminder of what happens when hope is lost, when belief is forgotten, and the Christmas spirit...dies.

Carson Welch: The future isn't just something that happens. It's a brutal force with a great sense of humor that will steamroll you if you're not watching.

Mortdecai: I had no idea I was so deep in Her Majesty's hole.

Comic: So first, we need a historical event. Who's got an event?
Ted: 9/11!
Comic: Oh oh, okay. Okay, maybe something else. Uh, let's start with a person.
John: Robin Williams!
Comic: Okay, all right. For real, guys, for real. Who's got a person?
Ted: Robin Williams on 9/11!
Comic: Alright, we've heard from these guys, uh, let's maybe give somebody else over here a chance. How about a location? Let's go with a location.
Ted: The offices of Charlie Hebdo!
Comic: Okay seriously, sir, I just need a location.
John: Ferguson, Missouri!
Ted: Germanwings cockpit!
Comic: Okay, I heard Starbucks!
Ted: No you didn't!
John: Nobody said Starbucks.
Comic: Alright, Starbucks! Okay now, who's in the Starbucks?
Ted: Bill Cosby.

Owens: I took you off the street. Taught you my trade. I taught you my passion. Three generations of skills. And in spite of all my earnest efforts, in spite of all my hard work, you turned into a good person.

Maya Blart: Look, Dad, you're going to have to get use to the idea that I'm a big girl now.
Paul Blart: Ok, first of all, we're all big. We're Blarts. Wide hips, thick ankles, and a low center of gravity. That's how the good Lord made us. That's why we're no good at running hurdles. Never will be.

John: This could very well be the greatest conflict between America and Germany in our nation's history!
Gail: Crack a book, John.

Brenner: Pac-Man's a bad guy?

Lily: You're the ogre.
Adam Jones: Yes. But I bake great cakes.

Wullie: You look like a haunted tree.

Lucy van Pelt: No dogs.

Dusty Mayron: Hey, are you Roger?
Cool Dad: Nope.

Babul: There's no present like the time.

Bianca Piper: If I wanted to go shopping, I could have done that with Jess and Casey. I need you to give me real talk.
Wesley 'Wes' Rush: You've gotta a uniboob. Your posture sucks and your clothes fit weird 'cause you wear the wrong size bra. Boom! Real talk.

Aaron: Honey. You okay?
Amy: Did I get it?
Aaron: Did you get the basket?
Amy: Did it go in?
Aaron: Oh, of course not. You didn't get enough height.
Amy: No?
Aaron: No.
Amy: I thought I got a lot of height.
Aaron: No, no. Zero height.
Amy: No height, huh?
Aaron: Usually when people hit trampolines they go high, but, for some reason, you went down. You went straight down. Hard.

Larsen McCredle: Ari, we sure do 'preciate you comin' out here all this way.
Ari Gold: Oh, of course.
Larsen McCredle: You been on the job nearly 8 months and hadn't payed us a visit. We're beginning to feel unloved.
Ari Gold: I didn't know I was invited.
Larsen McCredle: Oh, anybody spends my money like you do is always invited to my home to tell me why.

Nancy: I met a man today. For the first time in ages, I put myself out there. And I took a chance. Blah, blah, blah, the end.