Best comedy movie quotes of 2015

Jess: Lots of people are bald.
Milly: Oh, men are bald, Jess. Babies. ET. Not me.

Woody: Is that it?
Zach: No, it's another spaceship that fell out of the sky, dumbass.

Michael Stone: Sometimes there's no lesson. That's a lesson in itself.

Andrew McDonnell: Lady, that's not yours to ruin.

Marnie: I thought you gave up smoking.
Lori: Cigarettes. You said this was better.
Marnie: I said it was okay after your father died when your stomach hurt.
Lori: Well, it's after my father died and my stomach hurts.

Abe: I'm Abe Lucas and I've murdered. I've had many experiences and now a unique one. I've taken a human life. Not in battle or self defense, but I made a choice I believed in and saw it through. I feel like an authentic human being.

Father Mike Corridan: The question remains: 'Can your plan save us from us?'.

Wyatt Earp: What's shakin' Twain?
Mark Twain: Hey, I'm good on anything. Just like gravy, baby. Good to see you my man.
Wyatt Earp: You too, man.
Wyatt Earp: Hey, I finally read Prince and the Pauper.
Mark Twain: Oh, is that right?
Wyatt Earp: Didn't get it.
Mark Twain: For reals?
Wyatt Earp: Satire! Boom! I got ya.

Terra Granger: Personally, I couldn't imagine having something like that growing inside of me. A male baby.

Nancy: I've got a confession to make. I'm not really your blind date, Jack.
Jack: What? Are you even 24?
Nancy: No! Add an other 10. I was just merely trying to meet my mate in the modern world.

Doug Harris: What exactly do you do?
Jimmy: I provide best man services for guys who lack in such areas.
Doug Harris: So, I'm not alone?
Jimmy: Alone? No! I run a very profitable business because of guys like you! How many weddings were in the US last year?
Doug Harris: 2.4 million.
Jimmy: That means 2.4 million grooms! You think each and everyone of them has someone as their best man?

Adam Jr.: I'm a god. I'm a fuckin' god.

Fish: Alright, all secondary characters, come with me.

Dan Trunkman: The first rule is, show the client a good time. The second rule, forget all the other rules.

Danny Collins: Hank, I haven't written a song in thirty years. thirty years. I'm a fucking joke.

Aaron: You were really, really good.
Amy: As it turns out, I am in terrible physical shape.
Aaron: Yeah, I saw that.
Amy: Could you see that?
Aaron: Yeah.
Amy: I am sweating more than I am proud of.

News Reporter: Officer Cooper stands at four feet, 11 inches.
Cooper: Oh, come on.
News Reporter: The other suspect, a 45-year-old Latino woman.
Daniella Riva: 45? My madre.
News Reporter: Officer Cooper is four feet, nine inches.
Cooper: I am five-foot, two.
News Reporter: Traveling with a 50-year-old suspect.

Ari Gold: Do you know how hard I have worked to avoid going to Texas? Do you know what they do to Jews in Texas?

Jake: First off, in our initial conversations about exclusivity, I distinctly recall you saying something about "staying casual," yeah?
Hannah: I only said that.
Jake: Most likely because you thought that was what I wanted to hear, yes?
Hannah: Yes.
Jake: Okay. Well, me taking you at your word doesn't make me an asshole. It does however make you a liar.

Rome: I've got a little treat for y'all tonight. It's the man I knew as White Chocolate. Some might know him as Magic Mike. We gonna see if he still got some magic in that Mike. You down for a little fun tonight? Have a seat. Mike?
Mike: Come on, let's not do this.