Best comedy movie quotes of 2015

Marnie: I thought you gave up smoking.
Lori: Cigarettes. You said this was better.
Marnie: I said it was okay after your father died when your stomach hurt.
Lori: Well, it's after my father died and my stomach hurts.

Bob Saget: Hey Vince, buddy, I need a favor - I need you to fuck my daughter's friend so I don't have to.

Danny Collins: Hank, I haven't written a song in thirty years. thirty years. I'm a fucking joke.

Greg: It doesn't matter if kids love you or not. It's not their job to love you. It's your job to love them.

Father Mike Corridan: The question remains: 'Can your plan save us from us?'.

Greg: One last thing. Hot girls destroy your life. That's just a fact.

Castillo: Did you hire me?
Jane: I'm sorry?
Castillo: Did you hire me?
Jane: No, no.
Castillo: I hired you.
Jane: No, nobody hired me. I cannot be hired. Unless you mean in the uh, you know, the technical sense, then yes, I probably was hired.

Gertie Michaels: Maybe we're dead and this is Heaven.
Vicki Summers: This can't be Heaven. Max is here and she's Jewish.
Gertie Michaels: Oh, right. Well, maybe it's Jewish Heaven.

Woody: Is that it?
Zach: No, it's another spaceship that fell out of the sky, dumbass.

Jill: He's very radical, very original. You either love him or hate him, really.

Elle Reid: I always liked women, I just didn't like myself.

Frank Stockburn: Boy, you got your mom's muscles. You a prizefighter?
Chico: No, actually, I'm a... piano player.

Bucky: Such a fuss, when everything we want is right in front of us the whole time.

Rome: I've got a little treat for y'all tonight. It's the man I knew as White Chocolate. Some might know him as Magic Mike. We gonna see if he still got some magic in that Mike. You down for a little fun tonight? Have a seat. Mike?
Mike: Come on, let's not do this.

Joy: Don't ever think that the world owes you anything, because it doesn't. The world doesn't owe you a thing.

Andrew McDonnell: Lady, that's not yours to ruin.

Michael Stone: Sometimes there's no lesson. That's a lesson in itself.

Paul Shaffer: Bill.
Bill Murray: Paul.
Paul Shaffer: Yeah. Where we going?
Bill Murray: You haven't quit drinking yet, have you?
Paul Shaffer: Should I?
Bill Murray: Good man.

Nancy: I've got a confession to make. I'm not really your blind date, Jack.
Jack: What? Are you even 24?
Nancy: No! Add an other 10. I was just merely trying to meet my mate in the modern world.

Fish: Alright, all secondary characters, come with me.