Trainwreck (2015)

Aaron: You were really, really good.
Amy: As it turns out, I am in terrible physical shape.
Aaron: Yeah, I saw that.
Amy: Could you see that?
Aaron: Yeah.
Amy: I am sweating more than I am proud of.

Aaron: Honey. You okay?
Amy: Did I get it?
Aaron: Did you get the basket?
Amy: Did it go in?
Aaron: Oh, of course not. You didn't get enough height.
Amy: No?
Aaron: No.
Amy: I thought I got a lot of height.
Aaron: No, no. Zero height.
Amy: No height, huh?
Aaron: Usually when people hit trampolines they go high, but, for some reason, you went down. You went straight down. Hard.

LeBron James: When are you gonna come to Cleveland?
Aaron: I'll... I'll come when I have the time. I just don't have the time right now. I'll come when I have the time. I've been really busy.
LeBron James: You visit me in Miami all the time.
Aaron: Yeah, but that's Miami.
LeBron James: What's the difference between Miami and Cleveland? It's the same.
Aaron: You're right. It's the same.
LeBron James: Exactly.

Donald: I just want you to know, my safe word is "pineapple."

The Dog Owner: I need help with my dog.
The Dogwalker: I can see that. I would love to be the one to help you with your dog.
The Dog Owner: What's your technique?
The Dogwalker: I put them on a leash and walk them.
The Dog Owner: You talk a big game.
The Dogwalker: That's because I walk a big dog.

Amy: Ooh, I like Tom's sweater. Does he teach computer in a church basement?
Kim: Don't get all threatened just because you don't understand the concept of marriage.
Amy: You dress him like that just so no one else wants to have sex with him? That's cool.

Amy: I've been with a lot of guys.
Aaron: I don't care... How many?
Amy: I don't know. How many girls have you slept with?
Aaron: I've slept with three women.
Amy: Me too. I have slept with three women too.
Aaron: How many guys?
Amy: What, like, this year?

Amy: Aaron was telling me about this acupuncturist. She's supposedly amazing. She helps a lot of his patients with pain management and I really want her to take a look at you. Will you do that?
Gordon: I have no desire for an oriental woman to touch me above the waist.

Marv Albert: Broderick cutting deep with his insights! He is on fire! His best work since WarGames.

Dianna: Your thoughts?
Amy: I'm sorry, I just... I don't know why we treat these athletes like heroes just because they can skate fast or kick a ball in a net. I just think it's weird. No offense. I just think that sports are stupid, and anyone who likes them is just, like, a lesser person. And has a small intellect.