Doug: Coughlin's Law: anything else is always something better.
Doug: Coughlin's Law: bury the dead, they stink up the place.
Doug: You see, there are two kinds of people in this world: the workers and the hustlers. The hustlers never work and the workers never hustle.
Brian: I'm looking for the Manager.
Doug: What's the problem? Did you find a hair in your quiche?
Brian: No, I'm looking for a job.
Doug: Ah, you'd like to put a hair in somebody else's quiche.
Doug: Coughlin's law: never tell tales about a woman, she'll hear you no matter how far away she is.
Brian: Should we let it breathe?
Doug: It hasn't breathed for fifty years, it's dead. Let's just drink it.
Bonnie: Please, I don't want to end it this way.
Brian: Jesus, everything ends badly, otherwise it wouldn't end.
Brian: You're offering me a job?
Doug: Uh huh.
Brian: The waitresses hate me.
Doug: You wait till you've given them crabs. Then you'll really know hatred.
Doug: Couglin's diet: cocktails and dreams.
Brian: I'm willing to start at the bottom.
Job Interviewer: You're aiming too high.
Brian: Not a goddamned thing any one of those professors says makes a difference on the street.
Doug: If you know that, you're ready to graduate.
Doug: Mighty Casey has struck out.
Brian: The game's not over yet. It wouldn't be any fun if they fell over with their legs in the air, would it?
Brian: Listen, I'm sorry I called you a bitch.
Eleanor: Why? I am a bitch.
Doug: When you see the color of their panties, you know you've got talent. Stick with me son and I'll make you a star.
Brian: Days get shorter and shorter, nights longer and longer, before you know it, your life is just one long night with a few comatose daylight hours.
Brian: I'll stick with the brew.
Doug: Beer is for breakfast around here, drink or be gone.
Bonnie: Excuse me, do I have "fuck me" written on my forehead?