Bob Saget: Hey Vince, buddy, I need a favor - I need you to fuck my daughter's friend so I don't have to.
Larsen McCredle: I see for you, I know this movie is enormous. It fails, you go down in flames quicker than the Hindenburg. To me, this is just another check.
Shauna: You are in four scenes, and you expect me to get you a magazine cover?
Johnny Chase: Scarlet Jo wasn't even on screen in Her, and she got a cover.
Shauna: If you had her tits, I could get you a cover.
Travis McCredle: Fuck me. Is that Emily Ratajkowski over there talking to Vinnie Chase?
Eric Murphy: Sure is.
Ari Gold: You want to meet her?
Travis McCredle: I want to marry her, but you have to start somewhere.
Andrew Dice Clay: Yo E, this place is sick. When did Vince buy it?
Eric Murphy: It's not Vince's. It's Turtle's.
Andrew Dice Clay: You're kidding me. How much did this fucking guy make?
Eric Murphy: We can't finish the movie without money.
Ari Gold: Really? Because I thought we could finish it with Fruit Loops.
Eric Murphy: You're funny. But did you tell Vince, because he's on his way to editing.
Ari Gold: I'm telling you. Because it is your job, along with going over budget and being short, to tell him these things.
Ari Gold: I gave you 100 million dollars. You agreed to not go over.
Vincent Chase: Because you said I couldn't direct unless we agreed.
Johnny Chase: It's like when a girl asks if you want to bang her hot sister. Of course you say 'no' but neither of you really believes you mean it, though.
Ari Gold: What is he doing here?
Ari Gold: Do you know how hard I have worked to avoid going to Texas? Do you know what they do to Jews in Texas?
Ed O'Neill: Hey Ari, tell me you're not parking there.
Ari Gold: It's my studio, Ed. Don't force me to revoke your parking privileges.
Ed O'Neill: Fucking asshole.
Ari Gold: Did I tell you the Jewish Journal just named me "Best Looking Circumcised Studio Head"?
Turtle: Jesus Christ, this guy snuck into another relationship.
Eric Murphy: It's not a relationship. I'm just having fun.
Johnny Chase: Fun is when you forget a girl's name while you're fucking her.
Larsen McCredle: This man treated my son like a horse's ass, which he is, but that's not really the point. You said you had a son, Gold?
Ari Gold: I do. He's 12.
Larsen McCredle: Well I hope when he grows up he's not a complete and utter fuckin' buffoon like mine, but just in case he is, I hope the people that respect you at least pretend to respect him.
Larsen McCredle: Ari, we sure do 'preciate you comin' out here all this way.
Ari Gold: Oh, of course.
Larsen McCredle: You been on the job nearly 8 months and hadn't payed us a visit. We're beginning to feel unloved.
Ari Gold: I didn't know I was invited.
Larsen McCredle: Oh, anybody spends my money like you do is always invited to my home to tell me why.