Best comedy movie quotes of all time

Frank-N-Furter: Oh, I just love success.
Riff-raff: He's a credit to your genius, master.
Frank-N-Furter: Yes.
Magenta: A triumph of your will.
Frank-N-Furter: Yes.
Columbia: He's okay.
Frank-N-Furter: Okay? Okay!? Well, I think we can do better then that. [Takes Rocky over to Brad and Janet.] Now, Brad and Janet, what do you think of him?
Janet: Well, I don't like men with too many muscles.
Frank-N-Furter: I didn't make him for you.

Jonah Hill: Dear God, it's me, Jonah Hill... From Moneyball.

Adrian Cronauer: You are in more dire need of a blowjob than any white man in history.

Gen. Glen McMahon: God damn it, Pete. Why are you fat?

Puss in Boots: Feed me, if you dare.

Homer Simpson: Marge, in every marriage you get one chance to say, "I need you to do this with me." And there's only one answer when somebody says that.
Marge Simpson: OK Homie, I'm with ya.
Homer: Thank you my sweetheart.
Bart Simpson: Mom?
Marge: Yes honey?
Bart: You just bought another load of crap from the world's fattest fertiliser salesman!

Puss-in-Boots: Fear me, if you dare.

Walter Mitty: To see the world, things dangerous to come to, to see behind walls, draw closer, to find each other, and to feel. That is the purpose of life.

Ricky Baker: I'll never stop running.
Paula: Yeah, and I'll never stop chasing you - I'm relentless, I'm like the Terminator.
Ricky Baker: I'm more like the Terminator than you.
Paula: I said it first, you're more like Sarah Connor, and in the first movie too, before she could do chinups.

Master Oogway: There is a saying: Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.

Roger Rabbit: No! Not my Jessica! Not pattycake! It can't be! It just can't be! Jessica's my wife! It's absolutely impossible! Jessica's the love of my life. The apple of my eye. The cream in my coffee.
Eddie Valiant: Well you better start drinking it black, Acme's taking the cream now.

Check-Out Woman: Are you here all by yourself?
Kevin McCallister: Ma'am, I'm eight years old. You think I would be here *alone*? I don't think so.

Harry Hart: There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.

Doc: Clara was one in a million. One in a billion. One in a googolplex!

Cindy: Oh my god, Brenda, we're gonna die!
Brenda: Well, it would have just been you if you had just shut the fuck up.

Buck: What time do you want me to pick you up after school?
Tia: Don't bother! I'll get a ride with friends.
Buck: No, I have my orders. What time?
Tia: Are you really this stupid? I said I would get a ride. I always get a ride.
Buck: Hey, I'll just call the school, find out what time, and meet you right here.
Tia: Go ahead, call the school. I won't be here.
Buck: Stand me up today, and tomorrow I'll drive you to school in my robe and pajamas and WALK you to your first class. 4:00 okay?

Smokey: I got mind control over Debo. When he here, I be quiet, but when he leave, I be talkin' again.

Captain Harris: Don't touch those! Don't you ever touch my balls without asking!

Helen: Orlando, what's going.
Orlando: I know you don't believe in fairy tales. But, if you did, I'd want to be your knight in shining armor. You've been through so much. I don't want to see you hurt anymore. Now I may not be able to give you all that your used to. But I do know I can love you past your pain. I don't want you to worry about anything. You just wake up in the morning, that's all you have to do and I'll take it from there. There's one condition. You have to be my wife.

Frank Drebin: Hey, Rocco. Who's the old bag? She take one in the face?
Rocco: She's my mother.
Frank Drebin: Oh. Mrs. Dillon, your son is a ruthless, sadistic, cold-blooded animal. You must be very proud of him.
Mrs. Dillon: I am.