Best comedy movie quotes of all time

Chad Danforth: You got game?
Ryan Evans: A little.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: People go by the names their parents give them, but they don't believe in God.

Lisa: If you want to be a party animal, you have to learn to live in a jungle.

Jack Bruno: Don't go in the pimped out fridge Jack.

Dr. Grace Hart: Shall we begin the autopsy? Dr. Grace Hart.
Watson: A woman doctor?
Holmes: Impossible. Fortunately we have a real doctor here.
Watson: Would you like some heroin?

A.J. Ferguson: Now the race course is marked off with arrows, and it ends right back here, where it started from.

Tom: Did you ever do this, you think back on all the times you've had with someone and you just replay it in your head over and over again and you look for those first signs of trouble?

M. Gustave: Well, what does it say? Where is it? What's it all about, damn it? Don't keep us in suspense, Serge, this has been a complete fucking nightmare! Just tell us what the fuck is going on!

Debbie: Isn't he a lady killer?
Gomez Addams: Acquitted.

Boring Prophet: There shall in that time be rumors of things going astray, erm, and there shall be a great confusion as to where things really are, and nobody will really know where lieth those little things with the sort of raffia-work base, that has an attachment. At that time, a friend shall lose his friend's hammer, and the young shall not know where lieth the things possessed by their fathers that their fathers put there only just the night before, about eight o'clock.

Kar: So, I figured it out, why hot dogs come in packages of ten and hot dog buns come in packages of eight. See, the thing is, life doesn't always work out according to plan so be happy with what you've got, because you can always get a hot dog.

Jerry Landers: How can you permit all the *suffering* that goes on in the world?
God: Ah, how can *I* permit the suffering?
Jerry Landers: Yeah!
God: I don't permit the suffering. You do! Free will. All the choices are yours.
Jerry Landers: Choices? What choices?
God: You can love each other, cherish and nurture each other or you can kill each other. Incidentally, "kill" is the word. It's not "waste." If I meant "waste" I would have written "thou shalt not waste." You're doing some very funny things with words, here. You're also turning the sky into mud. I look down, I can't believe the filth. Using the rivers for toilets, poisoning my fishes. You want a miracle? *You* make a fish from scratch. You can't. You think only God can make a tree? Try coming up with a mackerel. And when the last one is gone, that'll be that. Eighty-six on the fishes, goodbye sky, so long world, over and out.

Thor: Look what I found in the purse.
Lucas: What is it?
Thor: I have no idea.
Max: That's a tampon. Girls shove it up their buttholes to stop babies from coming out. An eighth grader told me that.

Margaret Tate: If you touch my ass one more time I will cut your balls off in your sleep, okay?

Kyle: You could have totally fucked the shit out of that girl.
Adam: No one wants to fuck me. I look like Voldemort.

Richard: [Pointing at a helicopter.] You ever been in one of these things?
Kim: Yeah, we have one at home. This one's pretty small actually.
Richard: Do we pay extra for irony?
Kim: No, the irony's free, it's the sarcasm you're paying for. Ironically.

Puss-in-Boots: I hate Mondays.

Bethany: You're saying that having beliefs is a bad thing?
Rufus: I think it's better to have ideas. You can change an idea. Changing a belief is trickier.

Miles: You with me, Simpkins?
Iris: Miles. You really are an incredibly decent man.
Miles: I know. It's always been my problem.

Ginny: I really love Rudy. He is totally enamored of me. I mean, I've had men who've loved me before, but not for six months in a row.