Best comedy movie quotes of all time

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Movie Quote Quiz
National Security picture

Instructor: Impressive shooting, Montgomery. You realize though, that you missed the target in the middle?
Earl Montgomery: Who, the brother? Oh I wasn't shooting at him.
Instructor: Mind telling me why not?
Earl Montgomery: He don't look suspicious, to me. Look at'em. One lone brother, surrounded by four white guys with guns? The man is terrified. What you want him to do, tap dance? Don't worry brother, I got you. Don't be afraid to dial 911. I keeps it clean, when Earl Montgomery's on the scene. What the problem is?

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29th Street picture

Frank Pesce Jr.: I wanna do something I never did before.
Frank Pesce Sr.: Oh really, then why don't you go upstairs and clean your fucking room.

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We're the Millers picture

Strip Club Manager: I need a lap dance, table 5. Don’t get too close, the guy smells like asparagus pee and he’s got a hook hand.

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Finding Nemo picture

Gurgle: Oh, the human mouth is a disgusting place.

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Jakob the Liar picture

Jakob Heym: Hitler goes to a fortune-teller and asks, "When will I die?" And the fortune-teller replies, "On a Jewish holiday." Hitler then asks, "How do you know that?" And she replies, "Any day you die will be a Jewish holiday."

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Norbit picture

Resputia Latimore: Hey Norbit, what you looking at?
Norbit Wright: Just some kids coming down the slide.
Resputia Latimore: Oh I see what you looking at, you want to see a bitch come down the slide, Imma show you how a bitch come down the slide.

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Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story picture

Peter La Fleur: Don't worry so much about this Amber situation. It'll all work itself out in the end.
Justin: Thanks, Pete.
Peter La Fleur: You'll laugh at this one day. I'm laughing already.

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Tin Cup picture

Romeo Posar: Now THAT was a defining moment. And the definition was "shit."

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Ghostbusters 2 picture

Judge Wexler: The Scolari brothers.
Ray: Friends of yours?
Judge Wexler: I tried them for murder. Gave them the chair. You gotta do something.
Egon: Why don't you just tell them you don't believe in ghosts?

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Weird Science picture

Lisa: If you want to be a party animal, you have to learn to live in a jungle.

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Knight & Day picture

Miller: Nobody follow us, or I kill myself and then her.

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Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels picture

Student: We, er, shot one of them in the, em, throat.
Rory Breaker: What do you want? A medal? I'll shoot you in the fucking throat if I don't get my ganja back.

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Holmes & Watson picture

Dr. Grace Hart: Shall we begin the autopsy? Dr. Grace Hart.
Watson: A woman doctor?
Holmes: Impossible. Fortunately we have a real doctor here.
Watson: Would you like some heroin?

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Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed picture

Shaggy: This is tied for scariest day of my life!
Velma: Tied with what?
Shaggy: Every other freaking day of my life!

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Kick-Ass 2 picture

Mindy Macready: You don't have to be a bad-ass to be a superhero. You just have to be brave.

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Role Models picture

Danny: Can I get a large black coffee?
Barista: A what?
Danny: Large black coffee.
Barista: Do you mean a venti?
Danny: No, I mean a large.
Barista: Venti is large.
Danny: No venti is twenty. Large is large. In fact tall is large and grande is spanish for large. Venti is the only one that doesn't mean large. It's also the only one that's Italian. Congratulations, you're stupid in three languages.
Barista: A venti is a large coffee.
Danny: Really says who: Fellini? Do you accept Lira, or is it all Euros now?

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Groundhog Day picture

Phil Connors: What if there is no tomorrow? There wasn't one today!

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Corky Romano picture

Pops Romano: I got an announcement to make. My son here, this big lug, He's a fruit. And I don't care who knows it. Come here you gay bastard, I love ya. The other one, he can't read a stop sign. And I wouldn't have it any other way. Come here you freakin' retard, I love ya.

amycamille1975
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Baywatch picture

Summer Quinn: And not a single fuck was given.

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Silver Linings Playbook picture

Tiffany: I was a slut. There will always be a part of me that is dirty and sloppy, but I like that, just like all the other parts of myself. I can forgive. Can you say the same for yourself, fucker? Can you forgive? Are you capable of that?

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