Hitch: I just know that I want to be... Miserable. Like, *really* miserable. But hey, if that's what it takes for me to be happy, then... Wait, that didn't come out right.
Max: There is more to life than to watch other people live it.
Hitch: Never lie, steal, cheat or drink. But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love. If you must steal, steal away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away.
Sara: You tricked women into...
Hitch: ...into getting out of their own way, so great guy like Albert will have a fighting chance.
Host: Sir, I must ask you to leave.
Hitch: Hold on. I want everybody to see this. This right here is exactly why falling in love is so GOD DAMN hard. Vance Mudson is a pig. And I refused to work with him. It is because of jerks like him that I even have a job. Had a job.
Hitch: No matter what, no matter when, no matter who, any man has a chance to sweep any woman off her feet. He just needs the right broom.
Hitch: So how does it happen, great love? Nobody knows... But what I can tell you is that it happens in the blink of an eye. One moment you're enjoying your life, and the next you're wondering how you ever lived without them.
Hitch: Because that's what people do. They leap, and hope to God they can fly, because otherwise you just drop like a rock, wondering the whole way down "Why in the hell did I jump?" But here I am, Sara, falling, and the only one that makes me feel like I can fly is you.
Hitch: Life is not the amount of breaths you take, it's the moments that take your breath away.
Hitch: Like I always tell my clients - begin each day as if it were on purpose.
Albert: You know what it's like getting up every morning feeling hopeless, feeling like the love of your life is waking up with the wrong man? But, at the same time, hoping that she still finds happiness, even if it's never going to be with you?
Hitch: One dance, one look, one kiss, that's all we get, Albert. Just *one shot* to make the difference between happily-ever-after, and oh-he's-just-some-guy-I-went-to-some-thing-with-once.
Hitch: I just saw you from across the room with that big "F*ck Off" stamped on your forehead.
Sara: Relationships are for people who are just waiting for something better to come along.
Hitch: I'm really sorry. When I saw him on the computer, it said "The Butcher of CadÃz." I thought it was a profession, not a headline.