Best comedy movie quotes of all time

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Movie Quote Quiz
Hitch picture

Hitch: I just know that I want to be... Miserable. Like, *really* miserable. But hey, if that's what it takes for me to be happy, then... Wait, that didn't come out right.

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Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues picture

Freddie Shapp: You're on the 2 AM to 5 AM slot.
Ron Burgundy: What? That's the graveyard shift!
Brick Tamland: I ain't afraid of no ghost!

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Kung Fu Panda picture

Master Oogway: There is a saying: Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.

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Cars picture

Dusty Rust-eze: Thanks to you, Lightning, we had a banner year!
Rusty Rust-eze: I mean, we might even clear enough to buy you some headlights!
Dusty Rust-eze: Are you saying he doesn't have headlights?
Rusty Rust-eze: That's what I'm tellin' ya - it's just stickers!
Lightning McQueen: Well, you know, race cars don't need headlights, because the track is always lit.
Dusty Rust-eze: Well, so is my brother, but he still needs headlights!

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The Secret Life of Walter Mitty picture

Walter Mitty: To see the world, things dangerous to come to, to see behind walls, draw closer, to find each other, and to feel. That is the purpose of life.

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Crazy Rich Asians picture

Astrid Young Teo: It was never my job to make you feel like a man. I can't make you something you're not.

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Hot Fuzz picture

DS Andy Wainwright: You do know there are more guns in the country than there are in the city.
DS Andy Cartwright: Everyone and their mums is packin' round here!
Nicholas Angel: Like who?
DS Andy Wainwright: Farmers.
Nicholas Angel: Who else?
DS Andy Cartwright: Farmers' mums.

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Seven Psychopaths picture

Hans: As Gandhi said...'An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind'. I believe that whole heartedly.
Bill: No it doesn't. There'll be one guy left with one eye. How's the last blind guy going to take out the eye of the last guy left whose still got one eye left? All that guy has to do is run away and hide behind a bush. Ghandi was wrong. It's just that nobody's got the balls to come out and say it.

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Red 2 picture

Marvin: If there's one thing I know, it's women and covert operations.
Frank: Marvin, that's two things.
Han Cho Bai: No, grasshopper. It is not.

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Night at the Museum picture

Larry: This is so not worth $11.50 an hour.

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The Heat picture

Mullins: That cat took one look at your shitty shitty life, and said nooooo fucking thanks.

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Kingsman: The Secret Service picture

Harry Hart: Manners maketh man. Do you know what that means? Then let me teach you a lesson.

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Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me picture

Ivana Humpalot: Do you know how we keep warm in Russia?
Austin Powers: Oh ho ho! I can guess, baby.
Ivana Humpalot: We play chess.
Austin Powers: I guessed wrong.

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The Big Chill picture

Michael: [At the wake.] Great tradition! They throw a great party for you on the one day they know you can't come!

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Burn After Reading picture

CIA Superior: What did we learn, Palmer?
CIA Officer: I don't know, sir.
CIA Superior: I don't fuckin' know either. I guess we learned not to do it again.
CIA Officer: Yes, sir.
CIA Superior: I'm fucked if I know what we did.

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Scary Movie picture

Doofy: Mom said that when I wear this badge you're supposed to treat me like a man of the law.
Buffy: Well, mom also said for you to stop sticking your dick in the vacuum cleaner.

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Top Secret! picture

Doctor Flamond: You see, a year ago, I was close to perfecting the first magnetic desalinization process so revolutionary, it was capable of removing the salt from over 500 million gallons of seawater a day. Do you realize what that could mean to the starving nations of the earth?
Nick Rivers: Wow. They'd have enough salt to last forever.

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Shirley Valentine picture

Young Shirley Valentine: Well, tickle my tits 'til Friday.

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Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol picture

Captain Harris: Don't touch those! Don't you ever touch my balls without asking!

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Shrek Forever After picture

Puss in Boots: Feed me, if you dare.

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