Best comedy movie quotes of all time

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Movie Quote Quiz

Tag (2018)

Tag picture

Hoagie: Someone once said we don't stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing. When you're a kid, you can't imagine having any other group of friends. You think you're going to be buddies forever. Of course, for most people that just doesn't happen. But my friends and I, we figured out a way around that. We just never stopped playing. And I like to think that simple thing, playing a game, is what made me the man I am today. (00:00:35 - 00:01:10)

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National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation picture

Clark Griswold: [reciting 'Twas the Night Before Christmas.] When what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a miniature sleigh, and...and Eddie with a man in his pajamas and a dog chain tied to his wrist and ankles. What the...?

Bishop73

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Back to the Future Part III picture

Jennifer: Excuse me, Doc Brown. I brought this message back from the future and, well, now it's erased.
Doc: Of course it's erased.
Jennifer: But what does that mean?
Doc: It means your futures haven't been written yet. No one's has. Your future is what ever you make. So make it a good one, the both of you.

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Bend It Like Beckham picture

Wedding Guest: Lesbian? Her birthday's in March. I thought she was a Pisces.

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Scary Movie 2 picture

Cindy: Oh my god, Brenda, we're gonna die!
Brenda: Well, it would have just been you if you had just shut the fuck up.

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Top Secret! picture

Doctor Flamond: You see, a year ago, I was close to perfecting the first magnetic desalinization process so revolutionary, it was capable of removing the salt from over 500 million gallons of seawater a day. Do you realize what that could mean to the starving nations of the earth?
Nick Rivers: Wow. They'd have enough salt to last forever.

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The Mummy picture

Evelyn: You were actually at Hamunaptra?
Rick: Yeah, I was there.
Evelyn: You swear?
Rick: Every damn day.

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Team America: World Police picture

Gary Johnston: We're dicks! We're reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks. And the Film Actors Guild are pussies. And Kim Jong Il is an asshole. Pussies don't like dicks, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes: assholes that just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck an asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is: they fuck too much or fuck when it isn't appropriate - and it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes, pussies can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves... Because pussies are an inch and half away from ass holes. I don't know much about this crazy, crazy world, but I do know this: If you don't let us fuck this asshole, we're going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit!

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The Simpsons Movie picture

Homer Simpson: Marge, in every marriage you get one chance to say, "I need you to do this with me." And there's only one answer when somebody says that.
Marge Simpson: OK Homie, I'm with ya.
Homer: Thank you my sweetheart.
Bart Simpson: Mom?
Marge: Yes honey?
Bart: You just bought another load of crap from the world's fattest fertiliser salesman!

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Hitch picture

Hitch: I just know that I want to be... Miserable. Like, *really* miserable. But hey, if that's what it takes for me to be happy, then... Wait, that didn't come out right.

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Pretty Woman picture

Vivian: Oh...Look honey, I have a runner in my pantyhose. Oops! I'm not wearing panty hose!
Woman at elevator: Shut your mouth, dear.

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Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues picture

Freddie Shapp: You're on the 2 AM to 5 AM slot.
Ron Burgundy: What? That's the graveyard shift!
Brick Tamland: I ain't afraid of no ghost!

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Kung Fu Panda picture

Master Oogway: There is a saying: Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.

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Cars picture

Dusty Rust-eze: Thanks to you, Lightning, we had a banner year!
Rusty Rust-eze: I mean, we might even clear enough to buy you some headlights!
Dusty Rust-eze: Are you saying he doesn't have headlights?
Rusty Rust-eze: That's what I'm tellin' ya - it's just stickers!
Lightning McQueen: Well, you know, race cars don't need headlights, because the track is always lit.
Dusty Rust-eze: Well, so is my brother, but he still needs headlights!

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The Secret Life of Walter Mitty picture

Walter Mitty: To see the world, things dangerous to come to, to see behind walls, draw closer, to find each other, and to feel. That is the purpose of life.

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Crazy Rich Asians picture

Astrid Young Teo: It was never my job to make you feel like a man. I can't make you something you're not.

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Seven Psychopaths picture

Hans: As Gandhi said...'An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind'. I believe that whole heartedly.
Bill: No it doesn't. There'll be one guy left with one eye. How's the last blind guy going to take out the eye of the last guy left whose still got one eye left? All that guy has to do is run away and hide behind a bush. Ghandi was wrong. It's just that nobody's got the balls to come out and say it.

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