Best comedy movie quotes of all time

Please vote as you browse around to help the best rise to the top.

Movie Quote Quiz
Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby picture

Female Fan: Hey driver, drive these! [Lifts shirt.]
Ricky Bobby: Oh God, please be 18.

More Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby quotes
Men in Black III picture

Cop 1: Well, look at this. Power windows, power seats. I bet you the thing cost 6 grand.
Agent J: Ah, yes, and it has a roof, but it's hidden.
Cop 2: Hey, what kind of work do you do? An individual of your... Particular ethic persuasion?
Agent J: Mmm...
Cop 1: Maybe he's a noted athlete.
Agent J: Mmmm! Yes. Starting forward for the Detroit Darkies.
Cop 1: Where'd you get the car?
Cop 2: And the suit?
Agent J: I stole them both. Uh, car from your wife, suit from your grandmother.

More Men in Black III quotes
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery picture

Frau Farbissina: Remember when we froze your semen? You said that if it looked like you weren't coming back we should try to make you a son so that a part of you could live forever?
Dr. Evil: Oh, sure.
Frau Farbissina: Well, after a couple of years, we got a little impatient. Dr. Evil, I want you to meet your son.
Dr. Evil: My son?
Frau Farbissina: Ja. SCOTT!

More Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery quotes
500 Days of Summer picture

Tom: Did you ever do this, you think back on all the times you've had with someone and you just replay it in your head over and over again and you look for those first signs of trouble?

More 500 Days of Summer quotes
There's Something About Mary picture

Ted: I couldn't believe that she knew my name. Some of my best friends didn't know my name.

More There's Something About Mary quotes
Mrs. Doubtfire picture

Mrs. Doubtfire: I hope you don't mind me being a tad rude, but... How was he? You know, on a scale of 1 to 10?
Miranda: Well, that part was always... Okay.
Mrs. Doubtfire: Just okay? Well, he was probably a Casanova compared to poor old Winston.
Miranda: What was the matter with Winston?
Mrs. Doubtfire: Oh dear, Winston's idea of foreplay was "Effie, brace yourself."

More Mrs. Doubtfire quotes
Love and Other Drugs picture

Jamie Randall: I need you.
Maggie Murdock: Please go away.
Jamie Randall: I drove a really long way to say that!
Maggie Murdock: What, am I supposed to be impressed?
Jamie Randall: I don't know, yes?

More Love and Other Drugs quotes
Ted picture

Narrator: Now if there's one thing you can be sure of, it's that nothing is more powerful than a young boy's wish. Except an Apache helicopter. An Apache helicopter has machine guns AND missiles. It is an unbelievably impressive complement of weaponry, an absolute death machine.

More Ted quotes
High School Musical 2 picture

Chad Danforth: You got game?
Ryan Evans: A little.

More High School Musical 2 quotes
Galaxy Quest picture

Guy Fleegman: I'm not even supposed to be here! I'm just "Crewman Number Six"! I'm expendable! I'm the guy in the episode who dies to prove how serious the situation is! I've gotta get outta here!

More Galaxy Quest quotes
A Christmas Story picture

Mom: Ralphie, what would you like for Christmas?
Adult Ralphie: Horrified, I heard myself blurt it out.
Ralphie: I want an official Red Ryder carbine action two hundred shot range model air rifle.
Mom: No. You'll shoot your eye out.

More A Christmas Story quotes
Burn After Reading picture

CIA Superior: What did we learn, Palmer?
CIA Officer: I don't know, sir.
CIA Superior: I don't fuckin' know either. I guess we learned not to do it again.
CIA Officer: Yes, sir.
CIA Superior: I'm fucked if I know what we did.

More Burn After Reading quotes
Zombieland picture

[Columbus sprays Tallahassee with perfume.]
Tallahassee: It's ok. But FYI, I beat wholesale ass for a lot less than that.

More Zombieland quotes
Cars 3 picture

Natalie Certain: Storm's chances of winning are 95.2%.

More Cars 3 quotes
The Grand Budapest Hotel picture

M. Gustave: Well, what does it say? Where is it? What's it all about, damn it? Don't keep us in suspense, Serge, this has been a complete fucking nightmare! Just tell us what the fuck is going on!

More The Grand Budapest Hotel quotes
Midnight Run picture

Jack Walsh: Here come two words for you: shut the fuck up.

More Midnight Run quotes
Chalet Girl picture

Richard: [Pointing at a helicopter.] You ever been in one of these things?
Kim: Yeah, we have one at home. This one's pretty small actually.
Richard: Do we pay extra for irony?
Kim: No, the irony's free, it's the sarcasm you're paying for. Ironically.

More Chalet Girl quotes
Elf picture

Buddy: We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup.

More Elf quotes
Animal House picture

Dean Wormer: Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life.

More Animal House quotes
In Bruges picture

Ray: One gay beer for my gay friend, one normal beer for me because I am normal.

More In Bruges quotes

Join the mailing list

Separate from membership, this is to get updates about mistakes in recent releases. Addresses are not passed on to any third party, and are used solely for direct communication from this site. You can unsubscribe at any time.

Check out the mistake & trivia books, on Kindle and in paperback.