Bert: Speaking of names, I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith.
Uncle Albert: What's the name of his other leg?
President Merkin Muffley: Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room!
Little John: When your opponent's sittin' there holding all aces, there's only one thing left to do: Kick over the table.
T.V. Director: I won an award.
John: A likely story.
T.V. Director: It's on the wall in my office.
Lucky Jackson: Look Rusty, I thought maybe you and I could go dancing or something.
Rusty Martin: So you wanna go dancing?
Lucky Jackson: Or something.
Bilius: I'm sorry Caesar but for the good of Rome, you must die.
Julius Caesar: But you're my personal bodyguard and champion gladiator, I don't want to die! I may not be a very good live emperor but I'd be a worse one dead.
Molly Brown: Sure I may be tuckered, and I may give out, but I won't give in.
Fakrash: Select the design you wish and 3,000 houses will appear before your eyes...an entire city.
Harold Ventimore: You can't put up houses like that!
Fakrash: Oh, yes I can! With one wave of my hand.
Harold Ventimore: Listen, Mr. Fakrash, you don't own this land. And even if you did, you can't build on it without a building permit. Then detailed plans have to be drawn up, then the building Inspectors have to OK them, then they have to approve every step of the work: foundation, plumbing, electrical... Furthermore, all materials must be union made and all work must be done by union labor.
Fakrash: When the Pharaohs put up the pyramids, they had no such problems. In those days...
Harold Ventimore: - These aren't those days, they're these days. There is no room for magic now. Everything must be done legitimately today. (01:10:00)
Ma Tatum: You look like you been drug through a mole hole backwards.
Dino: Now look lady, you may have heard a lot of singers but you ain't heard nothin' sung till you've heard me sung it.
Ens. Frank Pulver: You mean after everything I've told you, you think I could be a doctor?
Scotty: By rights, you should be a good one. You have more people to prove yourself to than anyone I ever heard of. You should cash in on that. My family's in business. They say the big trick is to turn liabilities into assets.